The Inspiration from the Idiot Box

There have been days when I have religiously watched the Idiot Box from 11-5,just like a working day and therefore this is an ode to the Idiot Box!!!!And definitely somethings that I thought of while I was watching it.

Indian Idol,one of the classy reality shows......the nicer part of the show is-there is no melodrama, the "gurus" do not promote their fanfare and films, it is not about a war,or propagating everything else but the essence of the contestants. Indian Idol is about young talent fighting their way through to carve a niche for themselves by becoming 'Bharat ki Shaan'. The look of the show is sleek and hats off to Sony/Meditech for the packaging. Its like a Nokia/Hutch ad.....a set standard maintained. And where there is someone as revered as Javed Akhtar and as upfront comments about understanding the psyche of the public,gender discrimination,regionalism......actually however much there is entertainment, the reality shows (if they maintain to keep up the standards)is actually a reflection of lot more than what catches the eye!The TRPs speak different languages in different mediums but I guess there s a judgement that I want to pass;This show keeps up the vision of exploring a singer who has a future to look forward to the rich musical saga of India.

And then I have to talk about this film I saw today,on the Idiot Box......Sunyo-e-Booke (zero in the chest-thats the exact translation) as u watch you realize its about a complexity of physicality between a newly married couple over the woman not having perfect breasts.
The story is of two artistes who fall in love and get married and on the first physical interaction the man feels cheated about the wife not having perfectly shaped and full breasts. He thinks he deserved to make an informed choice. The woman on the other hand had severed terms with her family to get married to this guy and she feels that she never thought it would be important to the same who said that the body is just the shell and Soul is the real identity. So there is arguments,set of ideological and creative clashes. The couple separate and the other guy who was not as good an artist looks through the skin of the woman,marries her and happily has a family with her.

The last scene was rather arty.
The Digha/Sankarpur Beach;the better artiste at his work and he encounters the child borne by the woman. And eventually the family. The woman still softly speaks words of rebuke and moves on the new path of emancipation. The man apologizes that drove me almost to believe that maybe he would live forever with the perfect breasts he wanted to caress but his instincts then have now left him with his awesome artistic abilities but devoid of real love and companionship.

It opens the several chain of thoughts, of physicality,sexuality and the mirage called perfection. It is probably much more than just a man-woman phenomenon, an artistes aspiration of love making and his frustration of discovering reality. Is there an absolute? Is it just about what lies beneath clothes?
From a personal standpoint life is not as complex as human emotions and as I received and sms the other day of silicon implantations, Viagra and questing the thirst of lust....hope we do not forget that the penis and the vagina could not have communicated had there not been the first spring tale when we met, when we first held hands, when we first kissed or when we first felt butterflies in the stomach to realize that Love knocked on the door.

To the ever raging debate of Love and Lust..someday,someway.

August 5th 2007

The third eye-Sexuality

This piece was long pending. One would like to write about relationships-man-woman in a different context and names. Man-woman, woman-woman, man-man as being friends, soulmates etc.etc. but how much do we want to discover the sexuality beneath that? Sex is exciting, adventurous, discovery, curiosity but how many of us really look beyond male chauvinism and female oppression? This piece is my very own journey of discovering the other concepts of sexuality.
Theoretically! Academically! And there can be endless debates and discussions, their spaces and ideas changing with geographical boundaries, political atmosphere, economic boom and depression and of course convenience.

Sex workers have not been alien. Personally never had a bias for or against them; it was a profession like any other, people into it for their set of reasons. Back in Kolkata in Sonagachhi their stories have been a source of inspiration, their spirit of life had led to the formation of a new lifeview. And this time it was unfolding a new set of realities in a different boundary of geographical space, suddenly the Community Development seminar paper on Legalization of Prostitution seemed so naive.

It was the last day at this space which is VAMP’s space, the space for Sangram,the place where 1000s of Durgas and Pandus and Bhimvas have stopped sympathizing about their lives,they take pride in their own struggle. They fight for their rights, they are aware of their importance in the circle of reason, they live in Sangli, a district in Maharashtra like the ones who live here like the one who own the air, water, land.
The first day I came in here,their closeness with Divya (Divya Bhatia- Point of View’s consultant director for the Sangram Theatre Project)instilled a faith that they connect with our world beyond professional boundaries. Landing in Sangram was like any other field trip till I met the MSMs (Men having Sex with Men-not Gay/Homosexuals because that aspect of the alternative sexuality is far more privileged according to the MSMs.) It was quite uncomfortable. Rest of them was like us, just the difference in their realities and the difference in their profession and the way the mainstream society perceives them. As I said I did not have moral stands but meeting them at such close quarters, seeing them rehearse midst all the hustle and bustle, I took a look at my own self…..the complains of life seemed to have lost its own way.
From the 17th to the 21st of November passed by only to make me realize the mainstream women who are academically qualified or socialized in a different space are probably more victims of oppression or what we term as majboori. After a point of time we look for sympathy. We only would be independent to say ‘oh I am independent’, but the spirit of being free, the real independence lies I them whom we consider lesser mortals and have huge moral issues with.
I had read about Shabana in Bish’s edited work of Unzipped. Meeting her in person did not even seem she had a storm which she did withstand. Durga was another extremely intelligent woman. Her story was an evidence of her being really humane at the core. When she discovered she was HIV+ she told her maalak (the man who is a long and loyal customer to the sex worker, whom she considers to be the husband irrespective of his marital status in his life).Her maalak stood by for sometime but it did not work out for long.Durga is now a peer educator with Sangram and has been without a man for the last ten years.
Bhimva and Kamala Mausi were like these two sweetheart people who were like the agony aunts and really affectionate. Pardon if I am playing favourites but at small issues when it would show on my face their one liners ‘tension lene ka nehi, dene ka theek hai?’ would bring the smile back on my face.
Both of them are Gharwalis (the head mother who has girls working under her, she negotiates with the clients, with the police or the local goon or other nuisances). Their stories have been wild, living upto the respect of the word. I considered doing drugs or rave parties or sneaking out of the house at wee hours or the IC-SFI politics in college wild! And I guess that’s hardly wild in comparison.

Several others but Preeti has been the friend, she left studies in the 9th standard due to some physical ailment. She is not a dhandewali….Bhimva’s never even allowed he shadow to cast its eye on Preeti. She has been also harassed, so now stays in the other home. But what is commendable is Preeti’s daily life. Her day starts at 6 and ends around 1.Apart from the household humongous work she has her surrogate child (her brother’s youngest daughter to take care of.
It is theatre that brings them together, its their space to forget the worries of life, of dhanda, familial tiffs or the ordeals of not having condoms on the best earning time-the weekends.

The other bunch was the MSMs. My first interface with this group. Very vocal about themselves; complete stars, cannot forget their talents or their tantrums though! Pandu in my opinion is the best performer, he does outdo Aishwarya or Madhuri for anything for one Dola re. Bhausaheb’s voice is angelic or Mahesh the MSM who did the mehandi on my hands. Some intricacy, that comes only with dedication. But what I have not been able to discover is their inner selves, their stories, how do they feel about their bodies, their sexuality and identity? And how do they align themselves or run parallel to the mainstream? But yes, what excites me is their exuberance, their attitudes!
My second interface with the MSMs was in PSI in Mumbai. Dressed in complete filmi garb,they live life as per their rules. Two questions whose answers has led me to the unlearning of the concept of sexuality was when we asked them if they would be born again,what would be their sexual identity…men or women. While on one hand the question itself had a conceptual error of not including the third sex, one group’s answer that I wanna execute my rights on a woman, so want to be born s a man was unnerving whereas the other saying mind of a woman now lets have a body of hers as well let me thinking about how it might feel. One of them promptly answered that she wants to be born as a eunuch citing the attention she gets in being one.
The second question of whether it is right to touch a woman’s breast on the road, tease her and make a pass at her? One group vehemently said no, explained it as izzat ka ulanghan. The other individual’s answer that its right because ‘woh to meri chahat hai’ had shook me. The thin line between love, likings, lust and izzat ka ulanghan had hit me hard.
On further discussion with Bishakha, she explained that the alternative sexual preferences often look for acceptance and therefore emphasize on the physical display of affection and fondness.
And probably that also validated all of our insecurities with regular or alternative sexual preferences and our desperate desire to be accepted.
The phenomenon of a huge ego and a very low self esteem is contextual, often individual and finally ones own choice!

10th Dec 2006,Mumbai

SeNse and SeNsiBilities

Another note on maybe nothing and yet a lot of things. The other day at Ambedkar colony in Nizamabad I just chanced upon this girl, hardly 15 years old. I have always read about the blooming sexual sensations in a woman or a girl when she is turning into a woman. Personally, never have actually experienced it, considering the ‘Boys Don’t cry’ syndrome ruled my life.
Coming back to this girl, in her school uniform, wet unkempt hair she walks out of the lane, goes up the steps. The newly discovered rhythm in her body is very prominent. The language was subtle yet spoke volumes as she kept talking to someone.
Conscious of being watched she climbed down the stairs with accentuated movements. Her pushing forth of almost non-existent breasts twirled heads, the swinging of the hips made heads turn. The prominence of the curves over-ruled the senses of the passer-bys. I could not blame the curious eyes of the adolescent boys, I was myself attracted enough to get to writing all of this. And then she vanished altogether in the unknown lanes from where she appeared.
After a long time I realized that probably it takes lot more for a man to resist a woman. To my surprise I felt a little weird of having a woman’s body,and remembered all the times when I negated all the comments about being ‘sexy’ or ‘Hot’. It is an interesting insight can think or do think like a man and have come to know the exploits that a woman entails-even unconsciously.And probably to end with Quirk’s comments of ‘irresistible’ holds ground!
The bearings of being Bi-curious holds ground!

Nizamabad,Andhra
19TH Sept 2006
21.00 hrs.