Tuesday, November 04, 2014

Un-Right

A series of events in and around tell me there is something not right!

I still can’t get my hands on it, and keep floating away midst everything remotely flirty

The internet is a weird space, but so is the real life canvas!

Honestly I am scared, for real, for reasons that might not be true, but just that they exist.

The seven year itch which I thought was over, the new itch shows similar colours! Worse being its not even understood and I don’t know what to say or how to talk about it.

And just when I was cursing myself for getting into situations where life is sucked out, the close to unbelievable happened! She is most awesome real life normal person I know, how can this happen to her? How can it even dawn on her forget she having to see this day!

So whether you are in it, given any form or status they all suck, or taste bitter;

If that’s the case why are so hung up on it? Why is it something that we crave for? And why does it all become a certain way after a phase?

Right when I was trying to get through this the Indian Judiciary gives their verdict – Forcing Sex on a woman who’s going through menopause is not Rape!


Is it just me or we are losing it – together as a species?

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

More



That one night
It all seems like another life
Yet I think of it and many nights
More…
Cocooned in the worst fear
The fear of broken feet
When I was a ballerina
The fear of knowing
My kryptonite
The fear rushes into me
And sets ablaze
Like wildfire
It’s like withering
Without sunshine
Midst the cold
Longing and waiting
To belong to someone
Somewhere much more  



Thursday, May 08, 2014

Of Arrivals and Departures


Airports are fascinating

The people, the buzz, the retail, the bar and most importantly the emotions, there’s something about them that makes life beautiful.

My soul mate and I have spoken about it a few times, but it was not until yesterday that I realized a lot of stories have born and died there.

So the rendezvous with airports started while the Masters programme was at its fag end.
The picking up of parents and friends parents from the airport, the going away of friends, bidding them farewell teary eyed, those were some really strong emotions that added so much to the relationship. It almost seemed like those relationships were going to never end, it would either be at the arrival or the departure.
But gradually reality did hit. The flying in and out was infrequent, or the possibility to reach to catch a few last glimpses withered away. What remained were just the memories!

The boyfriend back then was in a long distance relationship, so the picking up or being picked up was the most exciting and the departure, most painful. When the relationship ended a part of that strong bond with airports died an untimely death, they were just an array of bitter emotions that would make me cringe.

But what followed to cleanse all of that was a random July night when I met someone who wasn’t arriving or departing, neither was I; we met at the airport because it was halfway for both of us and thus seemed logical. And then reverse psychology was infused on me. I am not complaining, inspite of bad food and very random conversation; it started a chapter of my life that healed me for good. It brought back the feeling of nostalgia and the longing for airports. 

What happens with everything in life is it kind of loses the spark because we take it for granted and we stop appreciating the nuances of the finer aspects. I thought I was too special to be trapped in that space but was proved wrong. The set pattern was killing me, the norms were choking me to death. Like a miracle an old friend shook me up. I took a flight to set myself right. Yet again I did not feel anything at the airport.

When I arrived back in town, shed the extras was the mantra and I have come almost 3/4TH of the way. It feels good; it feels like I am the same person that I was. As if basking in that glory wasn’t enough that like a destruction from the stories of Old Testament I was swept off my feet. By who?  Surprisingly, by happiness. Consistently happy for a while ticks suspicion; I analyzed, hyper-analyzed, tried taking online tests only to realize that my happiness is my own being, infused by characters and circumstances but still my own.

There are things we do we thought we never will. Never say never. It was thrown back at me. But it doesn’t make me feel guilty, it has clarity, it has every miniscript on the table and most importantly it is a high that’s positive, good for health!

With all of this at the back of my mind, I rushed to the airport when a friend who was taking connecting flights said he has about an hour to chill. It was like an adrenaline rush; The meeting was short and sweet, with a couple of pani puris and sev puris. It was almost like we wanted to stretch time. And then I bumped into another friend, not that I don’t meet him often but it seemed like we were meeting after a long time, and like every story we caught up on life and musings. Midst the catching up a child and father were waiting at the lounge for mother to show up. These are times when the airport fulfills you! The child super excited goes and hugs the mother. The mother who looked tired beamed with joy.

We paid our bills, and with the hope that time stops and we can catch up forever, we started walking towards home.

I got on to the auto, smiled to myself and mumbled, love is sometimes an accident but falling in love with the airport all over again with new stories definitely is to be cherished till the devil strikes.

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Winter is Coming!


So I did draft things about the yearend trip to start the year ahead; about the things that changed the face of the world in 2013, about where is the country headed in the coming general elections, the upcoming artistes of 2014, about Koffee with Karan, about shows on Star World Premiere…however they were not met with the extreme emotion of happiness, sadness, or anything in between, and thus they lie as drafts.

This March I turned 31, the whole bit about being on the other side of 30 just made me feel, blahh there can’t be anymore drama unless its in exotic locations and encounters with the wild.
I was wrong. The real life mediocre drama, the mundane type has currently inflicted my space.To the extent that unabashedly I am just counting days for it to get over before I get down to my basics and create mega episodes of that drama, back to back!

I still can’t believe that with my upbringing, education and exposure I still have to face situations that are so menial; as of now the core component of the story is not rotten, but for how long only time can tell. And since I have already been through this when I was a child in a seven year freaking long experiment with the human mind and body, my guess is as good as my gut.

My learning is one should have absolutely no consideration about a certain kind of deceased, because it’s a kind of deceased who can plan and care and create an array of storm out of nothing.
Call me judicious, call me rude and almost have the impudence to say “ahh you are not part of the decision, coz you are not family”, very well madam,thank god I have one family, and thank god I am not part of anyone else’s.
It’s difficult to find people who really believe in something rather than say it for cool quotient, and this time I am not going to go with the pretentious.
Until next time (which I hope is not in a long time) my last thoughts are – Winter is coming, so lets be thankful that we have enough blankets