Entry 5 - A little more or less

And exactly how much more is less, or how less is more?
Somewhere it struck me over a random dinner conversation with a couple friends. Sometimes it so happens,that we miss out on or maybe never get to know little details of closest of people in our lives.
Just thinking of a string of fictional incidents
The drunken calls after spicy soup
The fish on the footwear
Or the retaining the symmetry behind upside down

Feels weird to start with but true, we do take things for granted and not know favourite colors or films or whatever. Takes me back to college when the quantity of sugar for that cup of coffee still remains intact in memory but not the persons existence, or the Lebanese non veg platter with Kalhua shots at Pebble Street, or brunch menu at 32 milestone or chicken cartilage at 26 AG or Keema Ghotala at Mocha has people associated with it. I know the kind of coffee that’s Sedas alarm or the yummy eggs and sausages roger cooks on a wasted day or the cold coffee at manis jus when u are ready to storm out for conquer another long day or the crabs that light up Irenes eyes.

What does it mean? Knowing these details definitely means you care, but is the perfect judge for setting the chart-topper. Don’t know,but ya, with some people it makes all the difference,like the little princess knows everything I like or don’t like and vice-versa. Thank god for some people like that….knowing that you are sharing them with other people but what you share with them is copyrights reserved, and is an extremely limited edition.

2nd Sept 2011

Entry 4 - Chor Baazari

One of those monsoon mornings where u sulk to have woken up at 5 in the morning but still have the butterfly in the stomach to go explore, first of its kind in this stint of Bombay and the agenda was to experience it. Google came handy in trying to discover the feel of it, and then it happened…the Friday clothes bazaar,midst small galis and hundreds of people in motion. They all looked focused about their destination though it was the human sea that kept them moving through spaces.

The architecture was tactile, old mossy houses…dented walls and broken window panes. And one could also get a peek into some houses, rusty grills and old, greasy ceiling fans…blue or dead yellow walls adorned with tacky wall hangings and bright frames. And some of them like almost all Bombay houses, did have a string of clothes desperately trying to dry themselves. But one frame that remains in my head after all these days, is that freshly painted Mughal archetype building on both sides if the little lane and they are joining hands with the help of the tin sheet roof and tattered tarpaulin, its so old that that there are fully grown plants on it. It feels like a living time travel static on your face.

Since it was a Friday the other artifact shops remains closed but what one could see through the glass openings and making efforts to catch a glimpse was old lamp shades and wooden chairs and it did smell of antique stuff one could afford  I am very hopeful about the chest. There was this shop called Bollywood bazaar, can’t wait to lay my hands on it.

However the paya was disappointing to the extent I wanted to throw up, and knowing that I can eat anything, please imagine how bad!! And there was the chai stop, in the butcher hall, and the kid with the tattered t-shirt smeared with meat blood. Something stung me, its not always by choice…..often by compulsion. Not so nice,but true. Did we ever know there was second hand, fourth hand spare parts of Bentleys and Mercs . This country in the most familiar spaces doesn’t fail to surprise me.
Oh before I sign off, was there for a friends quest to find miniature insects, but we came back empty handed but hearts hankering for more, just that someone zoomed into work at 8 am in the morning while the other bindass, didn’t get to work till 2 in the afternoon.

30th August 2011

ENTRY 3....Subtitle

Yes I felt I enjoy titling posts, like its almost like the kickstart
The rains here have started getting under control.
But the buzz in the head is more of Test 1, Test 2, Test Signal,This is test Signal
Its a good high, and madness. My threshold of patience has gone up,its almost like after a point of being crazy you say to yourself.....let it flow.

And currently its almost a mad house, the inhabitants here are all basking in the mad-test disease. Varying degrees, so its a very at home feeling. But personally would have preferred a nicer,defined cliche as creative madness over random-ness.
Yes random is a quirky,but not whimsical,n not often fueled by negative emotions.

Lost teh zeal,basically got bored trying to recreate emotions!

ENTRY 2

I am hoping to carry on with Bombay dairies for a while...
Damn I can whine right now,but honestly,I am not worked up...and that tactic feels good :), one guru taught me so.....
What else....rains practically drained the city and then what happened....one random encounter,like do what you want to do phase,hoping across to some good conversations and colored liquid

The rush gets higher....touch,feel,believe ;)

BOMBAY DAIRY

ENTRY 1


It feels great to be back, specially that day when I was waiting for r for roger by the sea and the long drive to nariman point, serene…..if I could change anything, subject of conversations. The sea looks amazing and so does the salty taste in the mouth but then the mundane took over, battling freaking daily lives and people with inability to find happiness in the smaller nuisances, like flowers or rain clad kali-peeli taxis or just waltzing across roads. Found an antidote to that – smoke, and not coloured smoke!

What’s with the attitude?
I mean this is not what/where I left. Yet another blast, and taking it as if it’s the way of life, being numb about it and saying back with a vengeance.

Chaos is the way of life, but what happened to the rhythm to madness

Tantrums has a new meaning, like the Bollywood dream is full of it, is that survival or sheer boredom?. How fast are we running that the whole deal of waiting to smile has disappeared? Haven’t stopped to say hello to the rains or say hi to the sudden sun burst, or just being temperamental because it frees the captured soul

However textures feel nice…something that was so tactile was created on a big canvas.
And then the lights and the sound and the camera angles
The best part however was of the zillion characters on which one could write a story, and make films on them or the thesis about the disorganized labor in the industry.

Its buzzing,and whatever is negative is just fad,and not real except for spaces
And it just takes an imagination to bungee jump from the top of the sea-link straight into the sea

Till next time

Product Benefit

Walked in through that door
Feeling vague
Its one term that could be the middle name
Trash all around
Along with the scattered brain,mind and heart

One part of the deal is a blank sheet
The other jumbled
Normal,it looks from a distance
Detached it feels from within
And starts the 3 month trial period

Is it convenience or has it gone numb
or is it one of those things called
This too shall pass
In the city of dreams
Wanna be in love
With r for roger
And in here, forever
(If there is one)

Yet Again over juvenile discrepencies

For Judas and the mood she is in :)
By the Selfish Giant


Love on the rocks
Ain't no surprise
Pour me a drink
And I'll tell you some lies
Got nothing to lose
So you just sing the blues all the time

Gave you my heart
Gave you my soul
You left me alone here
With nothing to hold
Yesterday's gone
Now all I want is a smile

First, they say they want you
How they really need you
Suddenly you find you're out there
Walking in the storm
When they know they have you
Then they really have you
Nothing you can do or say
You've got to leave, just get away
We all know the song

You need what you need
You can say what you want
Not much you can do
When the feeling is gone
May be blue skies above
But it's cold when you're love's on the rocks

First, they say they want you
How they really need you
Suddenly you find you're out there
Walking in the storm
When they know they have you
Then they really have you
Nothing you can do or say
You've got to leave, just get away
We all know the song

Love on the rocks
Ain't no surprise
Pour me a drink
And I'll tell you some lies
Yesterday's gone
And now all I want is a smile

Martini

Tiny small olives
Three,actually one of three
Two sleepless nights
One edgy couple
Thin crust pizzas

And this is just the prelude

The alcohol is hand made
But not the wit
The paws on the neck are too on the face
So is the bling of "I play car race"

Eyes drowning in sleep
But not the mind
Text-pectations to be set or surprise has a better shock value
Is not really the question

The question is
what was I talking about again?
Oh yes,
Three,Tiny small olives
Three? Actually one of three

Means Everything

It doesnt mean a thing
Highly over-rated
And picking up pieces is not met under deadlines,not even without deadlines
Television makes no sense,nor does meat
Not even cigarettes....
I think I am suffering from caffeine and alien deficiency
I need to be abducted by aliens or meet Captain Hook or exchange lives with Peter Pan
But Peter Pan is stubborn and he hates grown ups, so maybe he will understand.
And together we will banish Captain Hook and I will keep his red hat and the tool box.
I need to dirty my hands with turpentine and lightners, but the black buck needs to fly in before that.

Of Cowards and Emotional Gibber.....

Something that was left as a draft way back in 2009...left it like tht,couldn't remember state of affairs,though the state hasn't changed too much,except that I am writing :)

Whenever someone asks me what I think he should do with his life, I always say, First, leave home. Get out there, where if you care to listen, you will find many other people dreaming of making connections and changing the world, just like you. The only mistake is in thinking that you will make an important difference in the lives of the people you're among. The profound difference will be in you.

I read this and it seemed the question I was pondering with is headed somewhere.
I try and do care to listen, I don't have a home for a while now, and after I thought I knew a little about who and what I am,they said intensity was a problem,emotions are a problem,and to top it all,the buck has turned to me.
I don't care about losing anything anymore, atleast conceptually.
I need to think more, a lot more than I do, and yes get so deep into the thought that I can't find myself anymore.

The sky last night was way too dark. The bright stars also seemed afraid to shine,but it still wanted to be seen,wanted to be somebody....
Sometimes I can scream my lungs at pretentions,but then as I take that one step back and think, I feel like a coward.
I want to do what I want to do. I mean go bagpack,hike across continents,live anywhere,love everything.....not think about money.
But the rebel seems to be dying a death,quicker than I thought and I feel perturbed that I have not explored enough. I do not have the guts to do so.
Read madly,watch rentlessly,create a cinema paradiso everytime with anything around.
I don't want this state of existence, where measurement is a way of life.....
Saw Kate,she inspired me.
Theres so much to do and I am not doing it....blaming it on things that I despise.
Just being an escapist.

My Speech over the Kings Speech

So this was intended to be the review of the two films that I saw back to back yesterday ie Sunday however, a lot more has happened in between for this to be only the reviews. And it scares me that to get back to the discipline to write reviews I would need dedicated time...by the way found a new inspiration,a friend,named Uddhav Ghosh...his zeal was something to look upto. I don't know why I am not consistent about things.

Anyways so The Kings speech...hero of the film Geoffrey Rush...and it tells me have to have to watch Mad Men,yes that doesn't take away the great performance of Colin Firth, specially in the crass brit humour and sense of disgust when he initially meets Lionel, or thinks about giving speeches and most definitely in the final speech to the nation when its out to go for a war, but must say all said the writer of the film,actually the screenwriter did a great job....some of the lines that stayed on -

Lionel Logue: Do you know any jokes?
King George VI: ...Timing isn't my strong suit.

Queen Elizabeth: [Using the name "Mrs. Johnson"] My husband's work involves a great deal of public speaking.
Lionel Logue: Then he should change jobs.
Queen Elizabeth: He can't.
Lionel Logue: What is he, an indentured servant?
Queen Elizabeth: Something like that.

King George VI: In this grave hour fuck fuck fuck perhaps the most fateful in our history bugger shit shit.
[singing]
King George VI: I send to every household of my p-p-peoples... The letter'P' is always difficult.

The storytelling is classic. Getting into technicalities,it was classic editing,cinematography, the art direction takes the trophy away along with lighting....and the Tim Burton-ish touch Helena Carter brings in....the slight quirk of a so called conservative dutchess of England. But the best part is the humane bit of the stiff uplipped brit shit....the rhythm of the curse...the fucks,the shits.

There was more but need a calmer mind to write it....and ofcourse not keep drafts for months. The date at the end of the post must say when I started it
And then there was No Strings Attached... Rom-Coms make me go weak in the knees,yes it does. But as the film it was nothing extraordinary except for performance of Lucy,Lake Bell,I liked the character, of a director and different as a woman, a pyscho perfectionist. I loved the script,some smart one liners and tons of mush at times, to an extent you wanna go aawwwhh. But somehow the lead pair's (Aston Kutcher and Natalia Portman) talent hasnt been exploited well.
As far as the story goes,the problem is that it reinforces my belief that 'friends with benefits' deal always leaves someone hurt; the joy was to see how all this lust did make so called not emotionally vulnerable people fall in love.

I came back home happy, with both the films,cinematic-ally quenched and thoroughly entertained.

April 3rd 2011

I dunno How it sounds,but I know How it feels

To and From the Selfish Giant
With SOMETHING called love n hate,like n dislike,milds n goldflake lights,rain n moon, cigarettes and caffeine

You ask me if I love you
And I choke on my reply
I d'rather hurt you honestly
Than mislead you with a lie
And who m I to judge you
On what you say or do
I am only beginning to see the real you

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty is too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Till we both break down and die
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

Romance and all its strategy
Leaves me battling with my pride
But through the insecurity
Some tenderness survives
I m just another writer
Still trapped within my truth
A hesitant prize fighter
Still trapped within my youth

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty is too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Till we both break down and die
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

The Tragic Hero

Why the Tragic hero suddenly? It’s been in my head for a while but haven’t been able to nail down why is it moving me to write. Anyways, the scope arose when a fellow human, with whom I played alter ego sometime in life, brought this up.
His take was how the Greek civilization defined things in life for us. And one of the most amazing of them is the tragic hero. And the evening was spent talking about traits of the tragic hero and contextualizing the aspect of the character in our lives.

I went back to basics, before the Greek, my tragic heroes emerged from English Literature, the one and only Shakespeare. Hamlet rules the roost and each of his plays have the main characters that are tragic heroes or have elements of the character. The quest however is to unearth how so called mundane characters like me and the alter ego and a few people I know are modern day tragic heroes. (And here I would want to keep away from the gender aspect of it).

The typical traits of a tragic hero – from some ref when I googled it
1) Goodness, (2) appropriateness, (3) likeness, and (4) consistency. Moreover, (5) though the tragic hero intends good, (6) because of his or her tragic flaw, (7) he or she experiences a reversal of fortune, (8) which leads to his or her downfall, (9) an experience that causes him or her to have some kind of enlightenment, or to gain some kind of new wisdom or self-knowledge. And overall, (10) the experiences and suffering of the tragic hero are cathartic for the audience.

So when I am analyzing the modern day tragic hero, though one would like to romanticize about it, but gone are the days when we could be selfless, for the larger objective, well being of an empire, a race, or of loved ones. All of this hardly would be reasons to navigate the modern hero’s tragic flaw.
The tragic flaw is often rationalized in the minds of modern day tragic hero. But the catharsis leads to self pity. And that often comes out to be epitome of realization. They say tragic heroes are faced with serious decision, in retrospect personally the decision and dilemma is self inflicted. At the same time one would also realize that for some people the everlasting dilemma is a way of life. If that gets lost the quest seems to have gotten lost. Some struggle is necessary for tragic heroes!

Unlike the classic tragic hero, such as Odysseus from Homer's The Odyssey, the modern tragic hero is usually an ordinary man who possesses qualities that elevates him above the ordinary masses as he fights courageously against the overwhelming odds of the society. Accordingly, Atticus Finch, of Harper Lee’s work of To Kill a Mockingbird, are examples of such tragic heroes.

Today I was being the tragic hero when I was trying to conclude on the debate of Harry Potter being the tragic hero or would it be Snape. The checklist had its own set of answers of how the characters are set for the novels to develop a certain feel and storyline, however Harry was not a tragic hero, he was trapped in circumstances and then emerged a hero, almost every time in Hogwarts however Snape was the real tragic hero, not because the catharsis hits him at the end but how he for the intent, reverses his own fortune and for the larger good of lives of promises of tomorrow, and that takes his life. So is Jack Dawson from Titanic, his giving away of his life was for his love, a fit to the t example, his struggle wasn’t that intense however.

And now my most favorite, The Dark Knight. The Dark Knight is, structurally speaking, a dramatically different sort of story. It's not simply that the characters themselves are more complex. Christopher Nolan goes deeper and brings out the stark difference, the nature of the conflict itself. Now, at the beginning of the film, Batman is all out to get Harvey Dent, as a DA, and accomplish what Batman cannot—to ultimately reconcile justice and law in Gotham City. If this could be made possible then Bruce Wayne could stop being Batman. The relationship therefore is something Wayne clearly wants, that clarifies his intent—he thinks if he is able to give up Batman, he 'gets the girl', a "normal life". When Rachel dies, Bruce loses everything, the woman he loves and his hope for Gotham. When Dent becomes Two-Face, he gives up both justice and law for the sake of revenge. Thus the reversal of fortune. Thus the way Batman begins as a superhero, in Dark Knight the way it ends, Batman is no longer a symbol of hope. Inspector Gordon's statement that "The Joker won" has a double meaning. Batman takes the blame because he wants the reconciliation of justice and law, hope, and he realizes that Batman cannot be that hope. Batman operates outside of the law for the sake of justice, but at the same time needs the law to avoid being out for revenge. In this way, Batman's task is shown to be an impossible one. Batman must fight but can never win. He is thus a tragic hero, a "dark knight" as rightly as the film is names.

As far as people in reality are concerned and they exist in flesh and blood Many characters of National Geographic Channels celebrated tv show Jailed Abroad have been tragic heroes and oofh what heroes! Revolutions have had the ability to create modern day tragic hero, right from unsung heroes of wars remembered in history to modern day struggles of arms movement and the politics around it.
A thinking individual who questions his situation, society, environment and falls into its complex mesh of weird calculations, sometimes succeeds in providing solutions or atleast attempts to fight it are modern day tragic heroes, lets says a Martha Stewart or a Michael Vick or right at home our soldiers who fought several battles at the LOC, though as I write here I feel the lines are blurring between a tragic hero and a martyr.

Coming down to what prompted me to write this was to draw references of real life characters. I think we all become tragic heroes, sometime or the other however some of us naturally have the tragic flaw, and some since they have been educated to the phenomenon of philosophy and literature grab their attempt of self pity as being the tragic hero and the victim of all wrongs, right from time to sex to drunken driving to sheer stupid behavior or social conduct. They are friends so beyond a point the crudest thing one does is abandon them.

But ya Hamlet still stirs my heart and The Dark Knight kisses the soul. The Tragic hero is kinda romantic

DABBA aka Box

There is something about audio visual,says the cynic,but the currently unemployed,going through second phase of puberty,dying to scream,approaching 30 cynic in me says life is in audio visual, and guess what, my faith was restored,when I saw this life called Stanley ka Dabba.
So basically on a lazy Saturday with the perfect partner in crime n correct intent I went for the film.
But what followed is sheer joy

If one was carrying the baggage of Taare Zameen Par...nope leave it behind.
Currently I am trying to figure how to draw this out...I mean the story,the performances or what.
Ok lemme go the age old way of starting decoding the title. Stanley as understood is the protagonist of the film. Dabba aka the box is the

Grrrr...Angrryyy

Grrrr
Angry I am feeling now....maybe self pity but whatever....
There are people who whine all the time over a lot of things,why cant someone hear sometimes thats its also their job to fucking hold on to somethings, if you cant handle pressure why is it fucking email and escalate....seriously it suck, its not freaking trickle dwn effect for everything,really man it sucks!

There are people who walk in and out whenever they want to, I also want to do the same,I also want to chill during sometime,atleast when its notice period, I want to do some shanti wala edits etc!
Mereko sunneko milta hai...dude thats nt for u to sunao me....


M damn irritated!

Wishlist

So whts been happening....kickass stuff....something like I am braindead! to the core.
I feel like running to mother and hiding in her stomach
The world amuses me, maybe everything else also does....but I miss the humor, I only get a state-of-art kinda feeling these days and often oblivious to it.

I saw this lil pup the other day,in the morning all dusty and ruffled.
In the evening on my way back he was still there, in aftershower look and playing in the puddle.
But the irony is it wasnt dirtying itself to make something out of it, it was just happy playing in the mud n dirt. Why cant we have lives like that.

Currently my wish list includes -
1. Get the fuck outa hre
2. Backpack to Pondi or Northeast
3. Learn Pottery and Power Yoga
4. Sleep, and Laze
5. Watch Films
6. Write
7. Walk on the beach with Sam
8. Get pampered at Home
9. Procrastinate some life changing events
10. Start on my mixed media project
11. Have a magic wand to read a few peoples mind
12. Stop Whining and feeling the need for it
13. Fall in love with life all over again

A comeback with Just another story

Was looking at old times through the myriad glasses, sometimes it takes forever to realize that life has another meaning if you get to write what you want to write, its like being in love with someone and everything else ceases to exist, its jus a walk in the rains where tears can hide but the clothes are dry and you have the warmth of the sky.

So life has been as usual a fanatic....it took the shape of a shapeless crystal throughout 2010.
Shapeless crystal was my discovery of the decade. But what remained consistent is the thought that no matter what, over time the moments u sit back in despair and think its the pits, something more crazy comes our way....life is actually a live event of 70 MM,where the team is the best in the world, where there is no boundaries of a script, screentime, budget or anything!

How does this happen still remains a question but ya it just does.

2010 ended with a life changing note, but it was bitter, ripped me of my soul, but gave me experiences that brought me closer to my dark sides, and thus took birth of pandoras box of secrets, and they will also maybe find their space through some printed musings.

2011 has just begun and my best friend, life ya, has been on a run, I find it quite difficult to keep pace with it, m growing old that ways,but someone random suggested, its all in the mind, like they say in Rang De Basanti - abhi sanson mein hai dum,abhi chalne de sitam. But the best part of it till now has been in a promo last week I figured my soul is still alive. Tunes still make sense to me....and the little pleasures of life still excite me, like sending the sunshine V day flowers, I did that to someone for the first time. The flowers all over Delhi felt very good.
I got my cam out last evening to capture some random moments, so the instinct tells me my instincts are coming back.
So everything put together, its back on the roads without a map

Just have to keep the spirit going

Have to check in here often now