From my neighbourhood to Wall Street

A lazy day when the phone rang and concerned family and friends told me of the series of bomb blasts in Delhi. My first reaction was, whats new, yet again, lives don’t matter anymore. It has been a series of 11 blasts since 2001 and nothing concrete ever came out of it. And now blasts in the capital in all the major hotspots and all we will see are media channels giving breaking news with funny dummy stories and visuals. And the ever hungry Indian consumer will watch that raising the channels TRPs. There will be blame games amongst political parties and increased allocation to the Intelligence and security systems of the country that anyways have not made headways in the last 7 years.

Thinking deeper I realized there was unrest in the country in almost all parts and we have become so immune to it. Life seems to be going fine for me, so how does it matter?

But the red alarm reels inside the head some thousand times when even I am flipping through the newspaper or television channels all that is there to the country today is reports of death of innocent human beings, be it as victims of some blasts, pro-freedom movement, police encounters or torching down of minority establishments.

At this level when I turn my attention to rage against the governance in this country, thanks to friends in the financial sector that I delved to read news on the global economic crisis. An establishment as revered as Lehman Brothers, one of the oldest investment banks of the world files for bankruptcy on September 14^th. It was a blow to the global capital market. When PWC was brought on board as administrators they reported there was no cash in the company post the fall. The shock had not been absorbed and Merrill Lynch was bought by Bank of America. Finally they became bank holding companies and the US government paid $700bn to tackle the worst economic crisis in decades. With the developed north crashing there is not much hope anyways for the developing south. Anyways the Indian aping of neo-liberal economy without much deliberation has brought us at the edge of the blackhole.

The economic crisis as the base of the Marxian base-superstructure theory, now poses a severe challenge to the already dwindling food and fuel crisis in India. As if the governments failure to generate employment for the exploding population of the country was not enough that now there will be major cut down on human resources by the MNCs. The shift of focus though doesn’t change the fact that inflation had reached 12.9%.

I had all of this reeling in my head when I went to attend the National Convention on Union Budget 2009-10. I was left flabbergasted with the numbers. Each sector thrashing out inadequacy in allocation, implementation, even conceptually the sectoral understandings seemed to be unclear and that having high levels of ramifications. I wondered about the complexity in the naivety. If experts even cannot develop a macro perspective, sincerely there is threat, of collapsing without even an alarm. The review of the MDGs at several parts of South Asia does portray a grim picture for India. But panelists here except for two did not give me holistic sense of the economic paradigm shift and its implications.

Though as I write this I realize the grassroots experiences are complex and there are several layers before we reach the policy level. How much can one embrace and how much can one choose to keep at the threshold? But can it be the dead end? Is there no solution to it? Or atleast the promise of respite somewhere?

The blow to Wall Street will have deep impact in India, and here people were advocating against remaining bystanders and fighting for marginalized factions of the society. Do they not know the overall implications? Do they not know that factionalizing at this point will only reap indefinable complexities? As much as it remains a serious concern, it frightens me to not see any able leadership developing in this country to be able to address these multilayered issues and crisis the largest democracy of the world is grappling with.

Coming back home, the encounter where the police apparently nabbed the masterminds of the Delhi blasts, the incident took place two blocks away from the place I live in. In the month of Ramzan when the whole community is fasting, this encounter took place in the bylanes of a crowded locality near Jamia Millia resulting in the death of a police inspector of the Special Cell and established the presence of terrorist cells in minority pockets. When I was on my way back home the eerie feeling in the lanes shook me from the roots. I felt scared of being an Indian, felt scared for the people who are family are Muslims and the majority wrath would not spare them, felt scared because every other young guy in that space resembles the faces which appear on the wanted lists. Scared for the age group thats the promise of the dawn tomorrow,the mighty young brains between 22-25 are taking up arms against global socio-economic discrepancies,I was scared because the area was prone to a communal clash in the batter of an eyelid.

The reports doing rounds of all the convoluted claims of nabbing terrorists comes later to me. What comes out first is the Muslim community is under severe crisis. Though I cannot not accept that communities at their levels have not thrashed one another and that is a blessing in disguise but the Muslim community who were anyways the point of attack by majority extremists is today questioning identities at all levels. With the blasts taking a national character, the global war to curb terrorism going full swing, India today is hiding from the danger that has no face. The communal violence inflicted in eastern, western and southern parts of the country by the Sena has not even received a strong reaction from the centre. I am deeply troubled by the complacent attitude. The backlash against the Home Minister definitely needs to be heard by the people in command. Have the Gandhis forgotten the trauma the country went through post the 1984 riots? Have they forgotten the series of assassinations in their family? So why is there no strong resolution to combat the communal tension in the country?

On the onset it might sound like those several blame games that every one is up against another, I understand this is far more complex than the words actually puts forth, but this calls for action, this calls for concrete ways in which the country can look at violation of human rights and not treat the present situation as a political game of ideology. Lets rise beyond creating opportunities from conflicts for human lives are not frivolous.

The array of natural disasters in the country already is sign of nature backlashing against the human civilization, lets not create spaces for the ugly head of man-made disaster to breathe into us the venom of intolerance and hatred.

24th Sept.New Delhi

Chemical Imagination heard the musical nitrate junk

A series of earthly happenings and a mixed bag of emotions, resurfacing from the hollow cylinders to severing guilt loaded associations,to keeping ego at some far away highland to losing father figures like lightening on a scorching summer day.
I am almost coming to believe the equation of life can never be for a moment be balanced, and I remember in the ninth standard I would take a lot of pride in the balancing the chemical equations and score a 10 on 10. And then life said,no we cannot let this happen. A lunatic was born and have been on the streets since then,looking for the right space where the sets for the dream production could be constructed.
But it was after dribbling with the ball for a while the quest seemed to suddenly have colours of grey and brown.

Who said it was easy to find the right creative space in a country were natural disasters are results of faulty constructions,where more then half the population lives under Rs.55 a day. There having the means to construct ideas which are more often than not mainstream is a difficult proposition. It is almost an impossible to compromise on work qualities and methods in terms of form,content,ethics and aesthetics. It is a better idea to keep trying to breathe fresh air than to breathe carbon monoxide to survive. If survival was in question, guess one would not have ventured into the pool of uncertainty. If the conviction is compromised the 25 year old journey would be meaningless.
The fact that the only resource called confidence dies under the utmost pressure of personal ramblings is an alarm that one is giving into the vacuum of self pity. The superpower somewhere has blessed some lunatics with support systems that rarely comes by. A family to be there through times of trouble,A soulmate with open arms through basics of life, and Friends who know you for whatever colour you are washed with. And strangers to fill up gaps of crisis.
It takes a lot to let go but it takes a little more to keep it all together,sometimes time heals it for us and sometimes the hope puts the puzzles together to create a new picture than how it looked like years ago.
Rock on reiterated it for me.

The film was an average film but it seemed to have stories that I was born with,characters I have lived with and would always fondly remember the magic they still create in my life.


But it strengthened my believe in the passion and madness,to go wrong,be abandoned and then come back.I hope my friend on the highway manages to hit the roads soon.


This is what he most recently showed the world-Ya Allah
Dearest You,excuse me but you have to kiss the sky!

I hope dreams also come alive as my dear lil miss muffet paws es for a thought.

I felt speechless to hear about the demise of my best friend's dad,it was too unexpected to withhold any reaction. I do not know what it takes to believe in deaths,maybe it helps to become numb to it. However much we say it was better than suffering,I wonder if it is as easy as that. My losses has been deep,the losses I see around are deeper,but if that vacuum can be lived with as if you have that person in the next room;it is often a source of inspiration and strength. Easier said than done but somewhere it does mean living with the hope that forever is not just a concept. But at the same time forever does pain at times. I do not remember right now how is it said or who said it but if it does not pain enough,there was never enough passion or dedication.And as per Silent emotions bond with me for the last twelve years,Anjan Dutt's priyo bondhu describes it the best......'Bhalo lage sopner mayajaal bunte,bhalo lage oi akasher tara gunte',(Love weaving the magic mesh of dreams, Love counting stars far away in the sky) that's how we started and we are still travelling through our paths,often converging,often getting lost in smoky December nights.Dear Silent Emotion,may you have all the strength to overcome when things are getting tough, I know this too shall pass.

The Dark Knight has left an indelible impression,it is difficult to believe that till date actors like Heath Ledger lives on. For a lot of people his overdose was a sign of weakness. I do not know what it was,I just know he defined dedication for me in a different gamut altogether.



As Joker says 'The only sensible way to live in this world is without rules', I go back to my chemistry test and realize the mystical line between reality and illusion.
To live through this conflict is a way of life.