There have been days when I have religiously watched the Idiot Box from 11-5,just like a working day and therefore this is an ode to the Idiot Box!!!!And definitely somethings that I thought of while I was watching it.
Indian Idol,one of the classy reality shows......the nicer part of the show is-there is no melodrama, the "gurus" do not promote their fanfare and films, it is not about a war,or propagating everything else but the essence of the contestants. Indian Idol is about young talent fighting their way through to carve a niche for themselves by becoming 'Bharat ki Shaan'. The look of the show is sleek and hats off to Sony/Meditech for the packaging. Its like a Nokia/Hutch ad.....a set standard maintained. And where there is someone as revered as Javed Akhtar and as upfront comments about understanding the psyche of the public,gender discrimination,regionalism......actually however much there is entertainment, the reality shows (if they maintain to keep up the standards)is actually a reflection of lot more than what catches the eye!The TRPs speak different languages in different mediums but I guess there s a judgement that I want to pass;This show keeps up the vision of exploring a singer who has a future to look forward to the rich musical saga of India.
And then I have to talk about this film I saw today,on the Idiot Box......Sunyo-e-Booke (zero in the chest-thats the exact translation) as u watch you realize its about a complexity of physicality between a newly married couple over the woman not having perfect breasts.
The story is of two artistes who fall in love and get married and on the first physical interaction the man feels cheated about the wife not having perfectly shaped and full breasts. He thinks he deserved to make an informed choice. The woman on the other hand had severed terms with her family to get married to this guy and she feels that she never thought it would be important to the same who said that the body is just the shell and Soul is the real identity. So there is arguments,set of ideological and creative clashes. The couple separate and the other guy who was not as good an artist looks through the skin of the woman,marries her and happily has a family with her.
The last scene was rather arty.
The Digha/Sankarpur Beach;the better artiste at his work and he encounters the child borne by the woman. And eventually the family. The woman still softly speaks words of rebuke and moves on the new path of emancipation. The man apologizes that drove me almost to believe that maybe he would live forever with the perfect breasts he wanted to caress but his instincts then have now left him with his awesome artistic abilities but devoid of real love and companionship.
It opens the several chain of thoughts, of physicality,sexuality and the mirage called perfection. It is probably much more than just a man-woman phenomenon, an artistes aspiration of love making and his frustration of discovering reality. Is there an absolute? Is it just about what lies beneath clothes?
From a personal standpoint life is not as complex as human emotions and as I received and sms the other day of silicon implantations, Viagra and questing the thirst of lust....hope we do not forget that the penis and the vagina could not have communicated had there not been the first spring tale when we met, when we first held hands, when we first kissed or when we first felt butterflies in the stomach to realize that Love knocked on the door.
To the ever raging debate of Love and Lust..someday,someway.
August 5th 2007
Friday, August 03, 2007
Thursday, August 02, 2007
August Axis
At the onset it seems I have lived a decade, in the past two months however I have cribbed and complained, I have definitely got to understand myself better.
I am an emotional upheaval, a lot of people would say-tell me something new, and a lot of them would say-when were u emotional?
In both the cases I would not know how to react.
I remember the time when I was obsessed with Dumdhead, the day he left campus and I knew he is gone,that rage/let down/hurt still shakes me up(would remember Soulmate drilling sense and Quirk making ways to make me look at reality)and then when after a month long journey from heaven I was getting back to reality I met him again,only with the promise that we will never be mean to each other. And there after hundreds of times we have been mean, its only that his convictions have strengthened me.He had blatantly said he does not befriend the moon anymore,coz that would not stay on, n I also need to understand that as an emotional wreck!
Never paid heed to it and landed up in time and again in the vicious circle of being "used" because I was transparent, I was straight-forward, I was dumb. When I left school there was a series from friends to then turned foes;I decided I will play smarter when I get to college. Kept it up for a while and then the reins loosened and I was again taken for a ride,in between I had worked,trekked,fallen in and out of love, and therefore met more people,only to realize I am not as smart, I still fell for the pretense, for the feel good factor at the particular point of time, for I trusted.
College was over and I moved outa home.....fortunately this time I was careful but still closer proximities made use of me,very unexpectedly;I was quite shattered and felt disgusted with myself.....it made no f****ing sense to me,ever!Even till date,it does not. Midst that, old ties were still playing beach volley with my softly nurtured emotions of companionship/friendship/partnership and as I look back I kept falling,bleeding,nursing and again running after tender emotions. Its now that I realize it was like a mirage that kept attracting me to the illusion of being there for individuals whom I loved, at different points and different shades and somehow the intense the emotions and the complex the shades, the deeper the wound,the longer the pain. But call me anything but stubborn.....I refuse to learn from mistakes and take pride in being a dud!
Call it creative pursuits of understanding people or seeking inspiration from numb wounds,I was still at it till today. I make myself "at ur service" and forget about getting paid,I dont even feature on the payroll.Somebody who I know for a year actually has so much of RAM-page space that I drain myself and I am preached that I should get out of my draining habits!
And therefore I begin my August Axis! Where I refuse to be a victim of my own inane attraction to goodness, let the dark musing unleash for once I would pray they stay on,forever.I will try to dissociate with people at the valves pumping but keep it task oriented.
But on the other hand let me also not forget because of the same faith I have a bunch of glow-worms in life that warms up the nest with the glow of a connection that makes me run out of words,I am glad to have them in here. From the deepest desire to darkest potholes they have known all shades;they have given me the strength to liften me up when I cannot reach,so will never let the sun go down on truest and purest of emotions, I can only keep my guards on and even when theres beach tournaments I should remember my duty of a lifeguard for I will have to reach the surrealist goal of procreation.
Afterall - Dada n me has been seen as iconoclastic and confrontational...what say?
I am an emotional upheaval, a lot of people would say-tell me something new, and a lot of them would say-when were u emotional?
In both the cases I would not know how to react.
I remember the time when I was obsessed with Dumdhead, the day he left campus and I knew he is gone,that rage/let down/hurt still shakes me up(would remember Soulmate drilling sense and Quirk making ways to make me look at reality)and then when after a month long journey from heaven I was getting back to reality I met him again,only with the promise that we will never be mean to each other. And there after hundreds of times we have been mean, its only that his convictions have strengthened me.He had blatantly said he does not befriend the moon anymore,coz that would not stay on, n I also need to understand that as an emotional wreck!
Never paid heed to it and landed up in time and again in the vicious circle of being "used" because I was transparent, I was straight-forward, I was dumb. When I left school there was a series from friends to then turned foes;I decided I will play smarter when I get to college. Kept it up for a while and then the reins loosened and I was again taken for a ride,in between I had worked,trekked,fallen in and out of love, and therefore met more people,only to realize I am not as smart, I still fell for the pretense, for the feel good factor at the particular point of time, for I trusted.
College was over and I moved outa home.....fortunately this time I was careful but still closer proximities made use of me,very unexpectedly;I was quite shattered and felt disgusted with myself.....it made no f****ing sense to me,ever!Even till date,it does not. Midst that, old ties were still playing beach volley with my softly nurtured emotions of companionship/friendship/partnership and as I look back I kept falling,bleeding,nursing and again running after tender emotions. Its now that I realize it was like a mirage that kept attracting me to the illusion of being there for individuals whom I loved, at different points and different shades and somehow the intense the emotions and the complex the shades, the deeper the wound,the longer the pain. But call me anything but stubborn.....I refuse to learn from mistakes and take pride in being a dud!
Call it creative pursuits of understanding people or seeking inspiration from numb wounds,I was still at it till today. I make myself "at ur service" and forget about getting paid,I dont even feature on the payroll.Somebody who I know for a year actually has so much of RAM-page space that I drain myself and I am preached that I should get out of my draining habits!
And therefore I begin my August Axis! Where I refuse to be a victim of my own inane attraction to goodness, let the dark musing unleash for once I would pray they stay on,forever.I will try to dissociate with people at the valves pumping but keep it task oriented.
But on the other hand let me also not forget because of the same faith I have a bunch of glow-worms in life that warms up the nest with the glow of a connection that makes me run out of words,I am glad to have them in here. From the deepest desire to darkest potholes they have known all shades;they have given me the strength to liften me up when I cannot reach,so will never let the sun go down on truest and purest of emotions, I can only keep my guards on and even when theres beach tournaments I should remember my duty of a lifeguard for I will have to reach the surrealist goal of procreation.
Afterall - Dada n me has been seen as iconoclastic and confrontational...what say?
Snippets of the Senses.
It all started one day when I was coming back from some part of remote Kolkata and as we drove our way asking people about direction there was this strange phenomenon I chanced upon that never found space enroute the travelogue.
When I ask somebody about something (mostly directions), I make assumptions about the person. It can be either marked as judgemental or as intuition. Like when I am not sure about the destination I am looking for a ride where I know the other person-the cabbie, or the auto guy knows the way…..it is mostly a right hit and at crucial times I also get into the trap of people whose sense of direction is as whopped as mine.
It is just a reading of the person’s face and is quite an interesting exercise. And a lot of times it is quite fun because they not only lead you to the wrong lane or bylane but they also confidently tell you about every other road apart from the one you are looking for. On the sunny side the right direction comes to my way bang on when I am least expecting it. I was wondering what do I call it…..the phenomenon of understanding whether people know directions to my destination by looking at their face when I myself do not have any clue of that direction. Face reading would be undermining it, largely inappropriate. May be when I manage to finish reading all vocabulary books I would have an idea. But till date it has been an interesting venture, something that I have enjoyed thoroughly, and at times it has also led me spend a few extra bucks.
That was the sensation of vision.
From there let me narrate the immense sense of smell which has never been more emancipating.
Went to Olypub the other day and the smell of alcohol, smoke and the ambience of the space made me feel ‘wooaaahhooo, this is what life is all about’. And I could not believe that as my companion ended up on beef steak and beer I chanced on Nimbu pani! Now that’s THE example of self control. So I love Oly irrespective of alcohol. That same day I watched Die Hard, and the best description is that exaggeration becomes entertaining. As I was drawing parallels with it and the illogical Bollywood films (ignore the generalization) the film partner described it as “ultralogical”. And ultralogical is also the word for explaining the fact that even when we do have all the answers heading to doomsday the attraction is very severe. As I have had these series of conversations with a friend trying to draw the logic that certain emotional investments do not lead us anywhere I ended up having reduced parallels. Difficult to explain, but ya….ultralogical. But somewhere from the series of experiences I have come to believe trusting people is a highly risk-taking venture! We all have our set of beliefs and equations and that definitely means acceptance, denial, feeling great and feeling not so great. And as my convenient self would want to prove it I would do anything that anyone asks me to do as long as it is done my way! The conclusion therefore is Power is at the epicentre of relationships! This can lead to a series of debates and give birth to several theorems and several more to prove/un-prove them.
And then old ties were renewed and what was funny was after a prolonged absence of seven years it seemed very easy to have been back to being known strangers. I guess it cannot be like die hard friends again, and that is too much to expect maybe. There was a birth of some regrets but the naval fragrance had travelled a very long way, maybe for better, hope not for worse. Often in the madness of life this was the first time in a long time I wished I had paused, taken a deep breathe and waited to hear myself. And ya it was not strong enough for any one of us to have stood up for all that we shared. Strange thing called colors of life. And it was not such a nice feeling to know that I could hurt someone too with all my might. But then let bygones be bygones. Lets see if the new roads can be walked together. But at the same time I realized that with some friends who have seen you grow, there is a comfort level beyond explanation. It was like sitting with a book on a rainy afternoon, and the happiness lies in the fact that no matter how ever much you feel it is an old tattered book, the content, the familiarity and the bitter-sweet memories are the elements of inane attraction.
Chennai was another experience, of a level beyond comprehension to my own self. The self destructive phenomenon was at its peak and I felt uncomfortable about the wreck that I had turned myself into. There is soooooo much that I have to do, but the deadening enthusiasm or the killer procrastination had taken a complete toll. Nothing helped. It is not even that the enthusiasm s all back and life is hunky dory but it is not the wreck…..it is the silent vegetative state. Certain realizations definitely have kept me at an ease; For the Nth time I feel the romantic angle in life is miserable. Gawd how so well I know a settled romance thing is not my forte; everything else can change but the core ; ) and I cannot even say it with any conviction, one never knows what turn emotions would take.
The nicer thing was Soulmediam8 is back to Mumbai and suddenly she seems to be closer by, almost like she was; like every first time. I know things would change for her and with each time life will be different but the fact of solace in thoughts would remain intact with a few good men and women is probably the almost extinct feeling of certainty. The other grand feeling was to hear Fukcr’s voice after succchhhh a long time, like I had never felt such an upheaval of affection for him.
Midst all of this mayhem Dumbhead provides me with a lot of solace. The nicest thing about him is the sense of determination that he is filled with and I get a sense of certainty from him. Ya as Jyo’s post said about the end point, with Dumbhead you know there is no end. Thanks to the almighty for one conviction where I do not see uncertainty. I miss all the times when we could just not say a word, hug each other and walk through lanes of being opaque. Missing you…..and whatever…..
People definitely can be a source of anecdotes and at the same time there are often times when the same people completely make you feel wish you hadn’t known the human kind. We all are very mundane and clichéd, beyond a point nobody has variety and everybody is stagnating-ly annoying. In my quest to find the constantly interesting and engaging persona, I end up getting disappointed about the human kind, and I lead the clan. A dead vegetation, getting caught in silly nonsense of men fighting over women, adults not knowing what are priorities, and people endlessly whiling away their time over a never-ending whole of nothing. At one level over the weekend as I was happy to see friends reuniting, on the other hand I could see the inane desire of the actors to get back to the old rut. How very shady was the feeling to know of friends who lack sense of direction. But as my dear comrades would say, we live one life and we do not know the value of each second; so if we do not know what we are losing out on….just another experiential loss. You can help someone with the direction to the treasure during the hunt, you cannot get the treasure for someone else. And I refuse to do it from the August Axis!
As I am a self proclaimed contradictory persona therefore I would come back to the aspect of people again. Old friends….My anchor for life accompanied with the man in black n white was here, its probably very very easy to just slide down time and become kids again. The whole day I just laughed, without reason, and pain, in the evening things that I would never have done in the present day ‘image’ I sat and did that….talked nonsense without thoughts or fears of being mis-read! I guess we can do that in two circumstances. When you are in the company of friends who have seen you cry because you were not selected as the sports team captain or with strangers who know too little about you.
The strange thing about the nonsense was birth of a coloured love story – The orange-green story with a known stranger!!!!!
I need to now go and finish that lovestory that will be sometime be treated as a masterpiece in the history of innovation.
P.S - Was TRYING really hard to get a common link to this piece but still have not succeeded much….too many incoherent thoughts and probably makes no sense at large.
When I ask somebody about something (mostly directions), I make assumptions about the person. It can be either marked as judgemental or as intuition. Like when I am not sure about the destination I am looking for a ride where I know the other person-the cabbie, or the auto guy knows the way…..it is mostly a right hit and at crucial times I also get into the trap of people whose sense of direction is as whopped as mine.
It is just a reading of the person’s face and is quite an interesting exercise. And a lot of times it is quite fun because they not only lead you to the wrong lane or bylane but they also confidently tell you about every other road apart from the one you are looking for. On the sunny side the right direction comes to my way bang on when I am least expecting it. I was wondering what do I call it…..the phenomenon of understanding whether people know directions to my destination by looking at their face when I myself do not have any clue of that direction. Face reading would be undermining it, largely inappropriate. May be when I manage to finish reading all vocabulary books I would have an idea. But till date it has been an interesting venture, something that I have enjoyed thoroughly, and at times it has also led me spend a few extra bucks.
That was the sensation of vision.
From there let me narrate the immense sense of smell which has never been more emancipating.
Went to Olypub the other day and the smell of alcohol, smoke and the ambience of the space made me feel ‘wooaaahhooo, this is what life is all about’. And I could not believe that as my companion ended up on beef steak and beer I chanced on Nimbu pani! Now that’s THE example of self control. So I love Oly irrespective of alcohol. That same day I watched Die Hard, and the best description is that exaggeration becomes entertaining. As I was drawing parallels with it and the illogical Bollywood films (ignore the generalization) the film partner described it as “ultralogical”. And ultralogical is also the word for explaining the fact that even when we do have all the answers heading to doomsday the attraction is very severe. As I have had these series of conversations with a friend trying to draw the logic that certain emotional investments do not lead us anywhere I ended up having reduced parallels. Difficult to explain, but ya….ultralogical. But somewhere from the series of experiences I have come to believe trusting people is a highly risk-taking venture! We all have our set of beliefs and equations and that definitely means acceptance, denial, feeling great and feeling not so great. And as my convenient self would want to prove it I would do anything that anyone asks me to do as long as it is done my way! The conclusion therefore is Power is at the epicentre of relationships! This can lead to a series of debates and give birth to several theorems and several more to prove/un-prove them.
And then old ties were renewed and what was funny was after a prolonged absence of seven years it seemed very easy to have been back to being known strangers. I guess it cannot be like die hard friends again, and that is too much to expect maybe. There was a birth of some regrets but the naval fragrance had travelled a very long way, maybe for better, hope not for worse. Often in the madness of life this was the first time in a long time I wished I had paused, taken a deep breathe and waited to hear myself. And ya it was not strong enough for any one of us to have stood up for all that we shared. Strange thing called colors of life. And it was not such a nice feeling to know that I could hurt someone too with all my might. But then let bygones be bygones. Lets see if the new roads can be walked together. But at the same time I realized that with some friends who have seen you grow, there is a comfort level beyond explanation. It was like sitting with a book on a rainy afternoon, and the happiness lies in the fact that no matter how ever much you feel it is an old tattered book, the content, the familiarity and the bitter-sweet memories are the elements of inane attraction.
Chennai was another experience, of a level beyond comprehension to my own self. The self destructive phenomenon was at its peak and I felt uncomfortable about the wreck that I had turned myself into. There is soooooo much that I have to do, but the deadening enthusiasm or the killer procrastination had taken a complete toll. Nothing helped. It is not even that the enthusiasm s all back and life is hunky dory but it is not the wreck…..it is the silent vegetative state. Certain realizations definitely have kept me at an ease; For the Nth time I feel the romantic angle in life is miserable. Gawd how so well I know a settled romance thing is not my forte; everything else can change but the core ; ) and I cannot even say it with any conviction, one never knows what turn emotions would take.
The nicer thing was Soulmediam8 is back to Mumbai and suddenly she seems to be closer by, almost like she was; like every first time. I know things would change for her and with each time life will be different but the fact of solace in thoughts would remain intact with a few good men and women is probably the almost extinct feeling of certainty. The other grand feeling was to hear Fukcr’s voice after succchhhh a long time, like I had never felt such an upheaval of affection for him.
Midst all of this mayhem Dumbhead provides me with a lot of solace. The nicest thing about him is the sense of determination that he is filled with and I get a sense of certainty from him. Ya as Jyo’s post said about the end point, with Dumbhead you know there is no end. Thanks to the almighty for one conviction where I do not see uncertainty. I miss all the times when we could just not say a word, hug each other and walk through lanes of being opaque. Missing you…..and whatever…..
People definitely can be a source of anecdotes and at the same time there are often times when the same people completely make you feel wish you hadn’t known the human kind. We all are very mundane and clichéd, beyond a point nobody has variety and everybody is stagnating-ly annoying. In my quest to find the constantly interesting and engaging persona, I end up getting disappointed about the human kind, and I lead the clan. A dead vegetation, getting caught in silly nonsense of men fighting over women, adults not knowing what are priorities, and people endlessly whiling away their time over a never-ending whole of nothing. At one level over the weekend as I was happy to see friends reuniting, on the other hand I could see the inane desire of the actors to get back to the old rut. How very shady was the feeling to know of friends who lack sense of direction. But as my dear comrades would say, we live one life and we do not know the value of each second; so if we do not know what we are losing out on….just another experiential loss. You can help someone with the direction to the treasure during the hunt, you cannot get the treasure for someone else. And I refuse to do it from the August Axis!
As I am a self proclaimed contradictory persona therefore I would come back to the aspect of people again. Old friends….My anchor for life accompanied with the man in black n white was here, its probably very very easy to just slide down time and become kids again. The whole day I just laughed, without reason, and pain, in the evening things that I would never have done in the present day ‘image’ I sat and did that….talked nonsense without thoughts or fears of being mis-read! I guess we can do that in two circumstances. When you are in the company of friends who have seen you cry because you were not selected as the sports team captain or with strangers who know too little about you.
The strange thing about the nonsense was birth of a coloured love story – The orange-green story with a known stranger!!!!!
I need to now go and finish that lovestory that will be sometime be treated as a masterpiece in the history of innovation.
P.S - Was TRYING really hard to get a common link to this piece but still have not succeeded much….too many incoherent thoughts and probably makes no sense at large.
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