Sanctifi-cation

So this thing in retrospect still seems funny!

Sometimes I truly believe I have no sense of humor except the self tantalizing thing! That pediatrician woman did one thing really well, make me doubt my unknown role very well.

It started many years ago when I thought being a single mother was cool, a few mishaps later, and after decades I realized living with my own self is an ordeal.  Till that point living with someone seemed to be an impossible idea.

Then call it convenience of metro lifestyle, the live in happened, only to add another plethora of   complicated stuff.  With time one does become immune to a lot of things, only to realize you can be numb but you are not painless.

So this 30^th birthday has been rather hectic, settling in with new (old) living – non living. When I had just settled into that, parents arrived.  Whether one admits or doesn’t, you tend to take your parents for granted.  Retired lazy Bong father and almost turning saint superactive mother is a strange combination.  The idea here was to ensure the roleplay of perfect daughter! Did not succeed. I am guessing mothers don’t let you succeed here. But it was good to give them a tour of my life!  Little had parents gone, and the long staying house guest packed up, the other mother announced arrival. 

There went my head and heart for a neverending run. The amount of hyper analyzing I could do was beyond belief. All of how terrible I was with some basic things came back to me. I spent the day cooking, drinking and thinking. And almost dying as the moment came close.

The magic moment happened, and seemed so freaking easy.

Questions straight up, and answers after many years was as clear as it gets, that was respected, and not judged.

And after these two visits seems I have been able to attain the next stage of self actualization, and that too with familial sanction

The one Eyed “Disturbance “

A little edgy, thus ,this luxury of blogging in the middle of the day.

Remember The Holiday, and how Jude Law played NapkinHead to his kids, currently I look a cheap version of that, the sty in the eye woman! As if this wasn’t enough when I woke up to the BB alarm and while switching it off, sneaked in to read the message.

Gosh, the human race, and specific to this kind, the urban, “well educated”, “have it all” but “don’t know what to do with spare time” so lets go drink and bitch about everyone but not call each other “disturbed” on our faces; lets  do that behind back and then deny it kind.  And to top it all, make rash comments and let aggression do the talking.

I am not saying its rare, but I have somehow never survived them for long.  In old times I would somehow drift, but now I despise them to the extent that I can just say “f off “ and walk away.  The sticky bit is when it involves “I don’t want it to perish” item also on the platter.  Honestly I am hoping nonchalance to take over.

But with the trend that one has heard of, and seen, rather recently, it’s a strange kind.

They make a very big deal about who they are, what they wear, and where they are seen. That’s completely understandable; a lot of people around (and sometimes me) are like that. But this recent kind are always so full of what others are, what others are wearing, what are they doing, or hanging with!  And sometimes this “others “ are their friends and on the other extreme, people they are meeting for the first time.

I haven’t met people who have almost no sense of self respect or respect for the other.  Between their friends they would bring one another down to lows that I have not been able to fathom.  

Well one person who knows the judgmental bitch I am, rightly says, no one’s perfect, and one can’t be holier than thou because all of us have those dirty linen tucked somewhere or the other . Just ensure you don’t become a social nuisance!  Takes me back to my wild times, men whose names I don’t remember, places whose address I can never figure the next time, my bucket list of embarrassing things are almost full. But it “disturbs” me to realize that through those “disturbing” times, being juvenile didn’t mean “disturbing”  other people because I had a “disturbed” telescope through which I was looking at life.

So before I sign off, since the film The Holiday triggered it off, my favourite dialogue that Kate Winslet says 

" You are supposed to be the leading lady in your own life, for Gods sake",  play your part, let everyone figure their own