Cancer Vixen’s Life in a metro!

This piece of work is an emotional outburst inspired by Marissa (Cartoonist with New Yorker Times!) and Anurag Basu (Filmaker from Mumbai)

At least now I know that my autobiography will fetch me quite a lot of money! I am almost on the fast-track, soon to have some thing like motorcycle diaries!
There r some lumps in the intestine that are cancerous in nature.
Well my cool attitude did not work! As in Mumbaiiya I would say ‘Phaat gai hai meri’(I am screwed). The day I gotta know about this I was stoned. Different people had different reactions, n today I cannot handle people who love me go through the whole deal of anxiety. And it is first stage and curable. So why worry? On the second layer…..What are my panic points? What if a surgery, not coz of the surgery but the radiotherapy/radiation that will follow!!!! And the several anxieties, I am at the onset of a wonderful worklife, I haven’t lived with parents in a very long time, so haven’t been answerable. I have not earned enough money to have saved so when I get home I am broke! And I have been very active for the last three years, no lulls….l love drinking, smoking and red meat. And all of this is a complete NO! There is still no verdict to sex yet, but one never knows what is the next step in store! And Sash for giving me the brighter side of the story said, think about it, u would be completely detoxified and therefore glowing with inner radiance! Ya Right, even she knew what she was talking about!
So is there practically anything I need to worry about? Yessss! I will be jobless, sick, and may become ugly soon after the radio! Then what? All my x,y,z fashion statements are down the drains  Not that I am some chhammak chhallo but for the presentably cool quotient…. That’s worrisome. My newly done hair colour, my essentially interesting wardrobe… (sniff, sniff) and of course the whole worldview changing. Why was I the chosen one? Seems like I have not had enough!
Ya, I m feeling pathetic, when off late the panic attacks happen and then my mobility is gone for a toss it is bloody depressing!

Life in this city has been like a dream. I guess I will have to give it to Toxic Bachelor and the never ending discussion at a café in Kolkata that does not exist anymore, I had landed in Mumbai. Being in the city under the guidance of whizos like NRG n Mesho was a revelation! Mumbai was raindrained, under tulsi pipe lives were struggling to exist and I land up in the 24 n ½ floors in Marathon Heights n then the next one week I had lived the crème of the city and started my journey into Buddhism. The next living space was a friends place in Navy Nagar and my first brush with the lifeline of Mumbai, the local trains….wow! Even today I am amazed at the number of people who commute. And the trains have been the first traces of all kinds of lives breathing in the same nest, from corporate honchos to ‘apna gulli ka abdul bhai’ everyone travels together. Yes the stark inequality prevails through the first class and the second class. The difference in the full circle is in the second class it’s the smell of body odour, pure, unadulterated and in the first class it is the deodorants and perfumes!

Anyways from there I had started my journey to TISS. Wow the magical two years-people,places, experiences, learnings, lifeskills and transformations in me as a person. It weird how I saw changes and how I learnt there is nothing called right and nothing called wrong. However we might love black and white, greys rule! From outstanding people like Anshu or Rama or stories of Altaf Sir, sparks of Brilliance from Nagraj, Lobo or the engrossing classes of KPJ and the hottest faculty that turned out to be Sam’s bro its just been like a dream. If at one hand I knew Shiva on the other hand I also knew Bharath. Or suddenly in the land of Deonar I found cherry blossom in the drhrt Aj avtaar;If Sam spoke about Quran Sharif I would wonder the concoction of Jihad and the passion in Tarique would reason it out. Very caring seniors or supersweet Juniors, it seems there was nobody who was bad, if there was one Taranga in class there was also one Prakash, if Father Paul had his plethora of knowledge so was Gulrez’s convictions and fire within that made life in Room no XI so exciting. (Well I am so sure I never thought it was so interesting while I sat there). The TPC CSR or envisioning and trying to build up SAHER. The madness during Mumbai Floods or the historic relief work during tsunami…every experience has been for lifetime and I have never for a moment felt stagnated! And the literal travel around India from Kanyakumari to Kashmir life was a roller coaster ride-till the Cancer attacked!

The city is my dream, after TISS I got my first job in a microfinance consultancy firm, and breathed the first cheque! It was my ticket o complete freedom! It was an interesting learning and of course the emotional attachment of the first job. And people there, boy the variation is indeed stunning. The shade card would often go undefined for lack of words. But I had quit thinking it was not what I wanted to do when Point of View came my way, Bishakha is a super boss to work with. Rukmini and Pratiksha are amazing colleagues and u don’t even feel like its work, it seems fun at its best!
Right from the late night films to sitting by bandstand or Nariman Point, to Totos, 80s, Shack or Mondy’s or the amazing eateries in the city where few of them are like second home kitchen.
I cannot ever imagine the kind of friends I have met in that city. I met my soulmate in Mumbai, someone who has made me redefine life. She is just too special for me and I know I do not need words anymore for her. Dumbhead whose passion towards his goals have inspired me time and again, Fukcr whose zeal to live life midst greys is phenomenal. Munzu- the loyal communist buddy. Soulmediamate who has been my fighting spirit; And the several others who I will define in detail in my autobiography sometime! Someone like Satish who is friend with all the wise thoughts; sweetheart Ruchi and a very warm friend in Ashish (I still can’t believe what I had heard about him even before I met him, I can laugh my head off about that.) or one Rajeev who is an absolute darling! Rajesh, with whom I can speak tons of nonsense and still make sense. I met someone like Arjun Ray, who is a virtual stranger to me n yet it seems that we have been bumchums. There was Tiktiki with whom I did spend hours by sea discussing every lesser mortal’s existence. And also in tit bits of life meeting every single person has been a delight, absolute delight!

And of course I cannot ever even put in words meeting the quirk est feeling in a Mumbai pub. I mean I dunno how we walked by the Worli sea face or Bandstand or even from On the Platter to TISS when any distance seemed less for us. The Lint chocolates wrapped in the sweet nothings and travelling all the way to tell me today ‘u made me run around for good two months by acting busy’, swthrt I swear I was pretty busy;), synthetic thoughts was the sweetest revelation. It was also another revelation of an old relationship suddenly going out of the window, and I still have not figured out why my closest confidante vanished into oblivion.
Anyways, Quirk is the most wonderful thing that happened to me, it’s like taming the wild sea. With him I have learnt to enjoy silence and serenity. As individuals we are very different; he is the complacent, matured and level headed one, I have always been more spontaneous, wild, mad house. I still do not know how I got there; I do not know what attracted me to him. I do not know how on earth I gave up my treasured singleton status! Well however much I want to blame Sam n Dembla for it, its just the quirky charm that I fell for. And look at me today, I am actually committed, I am actually not into man-management anymore and most importantly I am much contended. Also life in the metro has been so memorable because of him. The whole aspect of some crisis would be dealt better because he would b around. At the same time I have completely smelt and absorbed freedom because of him. I never thought I could manage certain things n my own but I did, just because I took it on my ego trip and ha to prove it to him! On the other hand I have to be feeling really triumphant about the fact that this guy understands the need for space (I guess I was overjoyed when I understood that he understands the concept of space) and also that he is not an MCP or a patriarch. Its weird that he is probably the only man other than TB with whom the man-woman equation has not occurred! We have also seen our share of sunrise, flamingo sky and crescent moon at the same time we have also dealt with mundane realities of dal chawaal, no money at the end of the month and bills.
The concept of being together has reached a very matured level. We have our own issues, mostly because of other people’s precedence in life at different points (and often people we cannot ignore) but I do not know how having him around just takes care of everything. It is quite something as a revelation but the finer feminine sensibilities in me have been actualized probably for the first time with Quirk. Sunrise since the morning in December 2005 is especially beautiful. Or maybe its beauty awed me because I witnessed it after a long time. I crave to absorb beauty every moment -- completely soak up the aesthetic and have it pulsate through my veins, I want to wake up to the softer dawn forever and begin life in the arms of a dreamy reality called Quirk!

Ya now I know what it means again! While I was weaving such dreams and it was tuning into fine holistic embroidery the bacteria attacked.
So now after trying to fight the real estate boom, the terrible traffic, the awesome combination of Page 3 parties and Campaigns in Dharavi or finally finding the job that is 110% satisfying, I am now having to deal with movers and packers, biopsy reports, Tata Memorial Cabins and worried family and friends. In every practical sense being at Home is the obvious thing but I do not have a date to come back to Mumbai, I will not have things to do lists every Monday mornings and weekends will not be a complete delight!
Ok lets be fair, I am hoping to strike a fair deal ----.

I-the Cancer Vixen (cv)- Hey I will abide by all that’s prescribed and instructed

Cancer Bacterium (cb)- So? Your life do whatevr you want, dun worry we will not kill you

Cv – you dun understand I am gonna leave Mumbai, n life is gonna become very dull

Cb- so? You should have thot about this earlier and not invited us

Cv- grrr…. I ddn invite you guys, comeon

Cb- well babe lets jus accept it, you were plaintively irresistible for us

Cv- u dun understand…. I am losing out on a lot of stuff in life

Cb- (breaks into cocky laughter) poor you, lets see what can be done!

Cv- dun ya worry, I wouldn’t give you guys so much of a liberty and will throw you out of your habitat today!

Cb- ya babe, lets hope for the best.

And thus the cancer vixen left Mumbai and all that made life in this metro soooo vry special. Series of medication, strong medicines, and almost no good food to eat is gonna be what her life will be all about but I am hoping that she gets to come back. And as for me, Love you Mumbai and see you soon darling, keep the heart beating, the trains running and lives living, till we meet again,soon.

20th June 2007
19.45 hrs.

Marriage on the Cards

Some 38 friends, colleagues, etc are getting married this year, yup I know it’s going to be a rather eventful year. Boy, can’t get over it!
Jyotsna got married and I saw it as closely as I could.
My darling was happy and very prepared eventually for it. I loved the way she dealt with the whole zingbang and the never ending smile was a delight.
Amma and Uncle were too nice to be true and Gayu was the wonderkid!
Now what is it that took me a few steps away more from marriage? Of course the rituals were quite something and Brahminical and after the intensive argument with Madhu and Sam however I may agree for parents and other obligations we do it at several points of time we do abide by it but at what cost. Like in Tam Brahms the father of the bride washes the feet of the groom. It is because the groom was going away for Brahmacharya and he stopped him with the bait of marrying his daughter. So before the groom enters his social life again, it is with the concept of cleansing him. Logical, but why can’’t the groom do it on his own? And the bong ritual that I know of returning all that you have taken from your family by throwing puffed rice during vidaai. I mean if u really have to return it in cash n kind.
I guess I am just letting some steam out.
If I get to write on the marriage rituals that over centuries have created the trap for the woman and her side of the family one can have a paper written on it. Or maybe a thesis.
For now I hope to have a day when marriage truly symbolizes togetherness of two individuals and not the license to dominate women and imposing patriarchy or the license to have sex when it becomes socially acceptable.
As for me I still am happy considering a life of my own! Oh the potential prospect since I am already 24 and have all the so called attributes! Booohhhhh to the takers and a big middle finger to all the match makers and contenders, I am happily committed but single!

22nd May 2007
21. 37 hrs

Abortion….whose right?

A sudden call post my most sober birthday this year left me numb! I had no inhibitions about anything at large I guess till I let the news sink in. ‘I do not how it happened….I missed my periods, kinda had a hunch something was not right, aby, I am pregnant.’ With my limited knowledge and the sense of sanity the obvious thing was ‘what r u waiting for? Abort the child!’ No, I was not coming from the angle of single woman, unwed mother. As much as I knew her, she was too preoccupied sorting her own life midst various questions of transitions; so getting another life to live midst the smoky march mayhem was out of question. And the ever important question of the resources of raising the child….where is that coming from? Love, care etc. etc. I understood. But not the equation of buying baby food and getting the child a comfortable childhood that most of us have had was not in the mathematical purview.

She did not wait for these explanations, she just said, ‘I have to go for my sonography….will you come along?’ Immediate question ‘that’s ok but the Man ran away?’ The self proclaimed believer of ‘I am the captain of my soul’ replied ‘no…he is a man, and though he knows and is being there, its in me aby, the faceless life is a lil more than a week, it’s a concept but a man is created in a way that he will not understand’. Well at that moment I could intellectually debate the concept of fatherhood and its importance and the whole cycle of nine months where the woman is bestowed to bear another life and that probably made men so insecure and the cycle of oppression of women started, I decided to be there by her. We went for the sonography…. I did not know the progression of technology to that extent where a few weeks old life is also visible. All done and the date of 17th March fixed for the abortion, we returned to our nests.
Later I found out the guy had not called all day to find out how she was. He assumed he could come back home and check on her, he candidly said he just did not find time. I thought probably that is why men never have had a womb!

I cannot even imagine the concept of unprotected sex. On principle I am not comfortable reaching the stage where I have to abort baby who is a fall out of passions of youthful time; and but sometimes some things just are not ideal. She brought to the foresight the millions of questions. And I almost lived through it with her, what overrode everything else was the guilt and aspect that she never thought she would abort a baby because it was a result of lust! I kept wondering how would be the feeling to know that there is life breathing inside you that will take shape to be a complete human being. How it must feel to know you can and are procreating! Like a novice I could only tell her ‘remember our summer vacations, we used to spend the long afternoons trying to get the first poetry right, or the first painting picture perfect? And the numerous papers, ink, colours we wasted to get exactly our imagination right in reality? Maybe it is something like that….She looked into nowhere and said…’I wish I could enjoy procreation because motherhood as I have heard is an experience that is life changing’. For about a week we struggled to get emotions in place. At several points I felt as if the silent voice was within me and not outside me, she was laughing and tears rolled down, it was most precious tears, she would wake up in the middle of the night, stare at the sky talk hours about the conflicts and practical considerations. For her it was a silent killing of a concept, midst the madness this film buff continued saying ‘Ray had ET as the concept, Spilberg created it, the concept did not die aby’. ’Here the concept is just dying when it even does not know what a concept is!’ Often these interactions left me speechless and I vowed to use contraceptives. Its not about not trusting the man you are with, it is about the concept whose inevitable death under such circumstances would scar me for life!

17th March 2007, at 11.30 we reached the clinic. The concept of comfort had almost vanished for her because of some emergency her doctor had to rush back to Chennai. So it was just another doctor doing her work! The two brave souls were waiting outside when one young guy came with his partner, made her sit and said ‘this is the solution to your problem n my peace’. It shook us up but what the heck….an interesting life with new experiences none the less. Oh lest I have forgotten to mention both of us buddies are too good at acting super cool babes!
She entered the clinic….the process….that I don’t want to recall. It was as much as I wriggled in pain; and I know some of it will remain forever.
In the evening I had called her….she was stoned, it was over and she just said ‘aby, the funeral is over but they will never sentence me, they will ask me to live through it’.
She wrote to her guy….’I am sorry we lost our baby’.
I wondered does it affect men, how and if it does how do they cope with it? Is it as big a loss as it was for her?
Don’t get me wrong I am not drawing sex differentials! I am just curious.
And if there is any one of u wondering about the anonymous ‘she’,lets say she was as good as Calvin’s Hobbes, my alterego!

20th March 2007
23:37 hrs.

The Tale of the matchbox

A very old friend announced her separation. The irony is she always wanted to be a homemaker, wife and mother. And she did fit the role to the T. Spoke to her only to discover she has learnt the hard way to lead a life single and rocking. I guess I will have to be upfront and say that’s the spirit of celebrating womanhood, celebrating life. I was happy with her thoughts for her future, I was happy to know she was ready to rock, to face it with all her might. You have a long way to go buddy, dun give up!

Another old relationship is in town, I guess we were friends too! This dude is set to start a new chapter of his life Post the fame of Fame-X. Meeting him was fun, the old memories of living in oblivion and never understanding the complex aspects of mundane-ity. I guess we were too occupied with each other then to lend anything else an ear. But there was a sudden discomfort in him that’s troubling me….maybe too old to be forgotten, too new to explain. In the process when I realized I was basking in the glory of my today, he seemed all the more surprised. Well often quirky things tame the wild west wind.

Mumbai is the place to be! But exactly living without a home is a funny thing! It makes you feel vulnerable though shrouds the insecurities of being homeless, these days I come back to a space that is perhaps the most comforting zone but the sense of ownership is zero. It hurts the superego but compulsion is the mother of tolerance and I guess that’s the why for the other person lending the shoulder seems ok midst the clouds of ego. The good part about it ofcourse is understanding ways of life and operations, for future reference, just in case. But patience has never been good friends with me, so I really do not know till when can I hang in there, maybe till eternity….. Lost the thought, seems very complicated!

Met two well established independent women today, meeting over wine seems to be the way of life!
One lives in with her partner for the last 12 yrs and another one is too stylish to be 40 and gives all credit to being single. They seem to be very happy about life, about their freedom. I am allured again, not that I need to decide tomorrow but ya being freeeeeee has its temptations. When 31 friends are getting married this year, the good thing seems the double income that makes life so easy in a space called Mumbai, or maybe the security of being married but trust me….being legally single is just about perfect! The physical drive is not the reason to be married for sure, long live the flings I have lived when I was wild (ok dun read it wrong, I dnt miss it, or lets just say the one man has a plethora of temptations to offer;) ) How I wish I can still pass my life as perfect as my dream, when after a pack up I am swept off my feet into a Merc and I land up in a glass house on the mountain top overriding the sea and have a cosy evening with the someone I love living with followed by barbeque, some whisky and wine and friends making merry all this while.
Crossroads…yet again. How I wish the rhetorical question of what next had an answer and the matchboxes would not die young because it ran out of match sticks.

19th February 2007
21:33 hrs.

Holiday

The long awaited Alumni meet got over, and it was quite a funny ending I must say…..How the few good men and women seemed to be caught up in their web, and how I expected that if I could keep off the neverending complexities for these few moments why cannot they do it? Expectations! Never have them, never live upto them, probably that makes life simple!
I had a rather nice time with the most controversial friendship, with Dumbhead. All we did was sit beside each other all through the night and listen to other people’s words. Myself and he had never been so peacefully connected. Also was the first big hug to desire, how I wish they reach the zenith of togetherness. It will do well to people like us. On the other hand I feel disconnected with the romantic relationship I have been through, do I know the reason, I guess I do and I also know I will brush it under the carpet. That’s why it is perhaps said, so much for love! Decided yet again to find solace on celluloid and landed up with Rajeev for Holiday!
The best thing that has happened in a long time, a complete feel good film that leads you to believe in love all over again. The characters of Amanda and Irish, well to divulge further, it restores faith in love. It felt like falling in love all over again. Also how similar circumstances are, how similar feelings are, how similar life-views are, I did connect with all of it. The best thing is perhaps to outdo complications. And living up to
expectations is the easiest thing to do. Gosh, talk about being self contradictory! The perfect life is ofcourse when you smile and cry at the same breathe; its about admiring the today and aspiring for a better tomorrow. Sounds quite teeny-minny, but trust me to say it, perfection lies within us, its just about how we find it.
A holiday that I gifted myself and ofcourse Rajeev was the fellow-rider who made it better!

13th Feb 2007
01:10 hrs.

I was not allowed to Be a Nobody…..

It isn’t the best of times, for some reason I am looking for something that I do not know of, only hoping I will get the clue soon. My craving for space took me to the space where the Japanese Takio drum beats filled up senses of the universe. The need to communicate reached an epitome, but somehow the reconciliation of being in constant interaction with silence and voices it seemed a distant dream. Met up with two friends and the next day being an off, like the sweet surprise in midair (! :)) it was decided that I spend it on something more concrete. And as always the inox s and the Fame s is the perfect place. Only this time the film was set in Parzan’s fairyland, Parzania! Directed by Rahul Dholakia, the film stars Nasser( an all time favourite) and Sarika(what a comeback) and the bunch of the alternative actors in mainstream Hindi cinema. Set in 2002 post the Godhra riots the film was too real to be true. In a mohalla where Hindus and Muslims coexisted happily how the fangs of ugly side of Hindutva destroyed lives, buildings, dreams and memories. The story was direct and simple-The impact of a communal riot in Ahmedebad on a Parsi family. Midst the riot how a family loses their child and has not found him back. The child by the way was named Parzan. What strikes me the most in the film is its outright message. And it’s been five years since Godhra, we all know what happened, how meticulously the riot was planned. But still the perpetrators contest elections, and run campaigns like Vibrant Gujarat. The most amazing aspect is how power strategizes itself to play with the psyche of the masses. Till then they were leading normal lives. And the bone of contention is, the system that has perfectly adapted itself to the rulers. Irrespective of the knowledge of the process, the protectorates becomes the tool for the perpetrator to literally manufacture violence.

Slightly deviating from the film, its been five years since Godhra. Some 40 citizen’s report has been prepared and presented. There have been 17 chargesheets prepared for the case. 134 people have been accused in the process without any proof of their involvement, and most of them are Muslims. Maulana Umarji, the main accused as a terrorist used to be a maulana and was a part of the Shiv-Sena! And there are evidences of how statements are being forged, how the system itself is betting against all those challenging them about authenticity. The complete absence of reconciliation is amazing. There are evidences that cannot be clearer than prosecution of the perpetrators. The complete state of denial by the political stand is astounding. And there goes Narendra Modi, the star campaigner for Gujarat who in Harsh Mander’s words ‘reinforced his masculinity through Gujarat’. If one goes back in time, Godhra did not see the establishment of relief camps. There was no involvement of international agencies who come flocking for relief otherwise. And the whooping amount of Rs.19 crore given back to the Centre is a little detail we might have forgotten. Justice is a far cry! There is no acknowledgement that Godhra was the worst form of violation of Human Rights.

Coming back to Parzania, it is a true story. Apart from the little flaws like the fluttering of eyelids of the dead it was a tight script and detailed screenplay. But the Nasser religious journey was a little overplayed! The supporting characters have given a solid grounding and small little excerpts from chapters on humanity. As usual with all biases in place Nasser was wow, more than that I guess I was surprised with Sarika. The Ash of yesteryears it was almost a discovery to see her perform so beautifully.
Coming out of the theatre had to be with a heavy heart and the three youngsters got into a passionate discussion about how and why and what can we do to change it. The film has been banned in Gujarat and the whole fraternity expect a few of them kept mum. Its being said when Yash Chopra could not get to release Faana, you must be kidding if you want Parzania up there. However I realized the film had done something deep, I hated my identity as a Hindu. Though the Gita is as intellectually stimulating as the Quran Sharif but I found the baggage very heavy to carry. The BMC elections are around the corner and there were orange flags all over the city, keeping my fingers crossed.
How I wish I was allowed to be a nobody!

27th January 2007
02:43 hrs.

The Windmill Baby

It was the story of the Black and the black who was loved by and loved the white. A rather interesting theatrical expression of Australian aboriginal culture was the production called Windmill Baby! It started with the depiction of simple pleasures of Life for £3.
The bonding of a family was too tempting through the testing times; you often would want to switch roles! And the spirit of Oneman, the disabled character, whose way of life was very new, very desirable. At the end when the black and white mating resulted to the procreation that was lost under the gamut of colors….it led me thinking deeply, what is the fault of the new life? It doesn’t even know about the color of life. I woke up to realize among those millions of things that we as people are fighting against color is one; that’s racism!….oh I am an Indian, my country sells more of the fairness cream than washing powder!
And before I forget Windmill Baby was a monologue and still I know about all the characters, as if they were neighbors.

20th Jan 2007
22:24 hrs.

The POT that Talks

A friend invited us over on this amazing evening to the Gateway…..after a day’s work the only reason to get there was with the hope of something new, a new revelation. By the sea the ambience was perfectly set. As a part of the Mumbai festival there were Australian Pole dancers who would perform on the poles. The festival started with the Mumbai song by Shankar of SEL. Its weird…the city is where I have been for just 3 yrs, but there is something very very attractive, something that keeps one aspiring for more, for better. The space never sleeps; survival has a new meaning every day! I was myself pretty amazed the way I related to the city.

The performance started….the artistes went up the pole and then as rightly one says…it came out of nowhwere….as if out of the air, like magic.
The 45 mins that they performed on the pole captured everything one could feel in a moment, a day, or a lifetime.
The way the script built the performance was just regular, yet so real and true….probably that’s why it is said getting used to at pattern also has its own charm! They performed from happiness in fondness to love to heartbreak to jealousy, envy and coming back to where the heart belongs. I was astounded the way they performing up there made so much sense to someone 20 feet down. Midst the performance another snippet of the other side, as it was an open air performance, there were a bunch of kids who made their entrance in the performing arena quite nonchalantly. They moved all over often distracting the space and the mood. A few times that one could not stop them Divya just took the naughtiest one and made him sit on his lap, the others followed the sign of acceptance and found spaces in the front rows with the whose-who of Mumbai. Divya, was the festival director and this ‘not trying to make a point’ gesture of his, brought the true spirit of coexistence of extremes that symbolizes the city, together. Wow! The sight got better when as the ending note these children danced with the artistes midst hundreds of people. That’s really amalgamation of culture, of hearts and not to miss, the smiles on the faces of those less fortune, of those innocent little ones whose way of life is more uncertain than existence itself.

The performance had woken a few closed doors. Thanks to Tirtho, I found myself sitting at Nariman Point trying to discover life! (And I have come to realize I am obsessed with philosophizing!!! Certainly the Bong thing) and came up with something as strong as how certain individuals I know have had a very futile existence. Talk about being critical and upfront! For all that I gathered even Tirtho was taken aback. On the contrary as I was reliving the boon of field realities that I received the quirky call narrating experiences in a jaccuzi. Contrast never got better!
I traveled back home with oodles of memories and thoughts about voids.

16th January 2007
01:24 hrs