This was hovering in my mind for a few months, since Promax.
This was the first one in India that I attended. Well three years and first
one….most of them had a surprised look, but when in Delhi there were more
important people to be sent.
It was a great experience, and helped me to declutter, like
what the hell it is to complain about systems and processes, let’s turn on to
the creative process, meeting Rob Middleton and Justin Cone was the best of it
all. And Petes Café….the wonder of the different kind of work happening all
over. Its not mundane, its
different….and one of my favourite things, keep doing some thing constantly.
And then I met an old colleague who’s been around for a
while. Even that felt good, the fresh perspective always helps and how veterans
still are enthused with a lot of passion. And the negativity also goes out of
the way. So therefore the story takes a different turn.
Someone told me long
time ago, if there’s pain, do things you like and it will be different, not
conventional, then that pain can create wonders! It’s about time maybe.
To start off with, let’s not romantize with the artiste
within. It’s difficult to come in terms with the odd, not pleasant side of an
artiste, a creator. The problem within me became clearer, trying to merge the
regular and the non regular worlds. That man was very quirky, but his
percentage of the regular world took a better of him. I just wish the love for
the quirky bit doesn’t die. But there is no point being judgmental about the
artist. That might end up clouding the verdict about what they create, thus
being unjustified about the piece of art. Well, I can’t hate the art, because
the artist in his/her persona evokes not positive emotions. All the abuses I
think are manifestations of the whirlwind of emotions.
The conflict thus reaches the next layer. So is the
emotional or the physical trauma inflicted on the other party, here partner, is
that justified? Do we artistes get a levy, as Andy Warhol says art is what you
can get away with. The trigger point personally that helped me to get over the
never ending unhappiness was the trauma of the abuse. After all these months I
am thinking objectively. Did I also somewhere inflict emotional abuse of any
sort? No….not even at the cost of my creations being compromised on. And that’s
why it was important to breakout. I was compromising on my art, not that I have
achieved anything except what my profession entails me to. But I was losing the
quest. I had stopped getting enthralled at the world of creations. I had
stopped looking out for inspiration, I was getting stale.
Coming back to the layer, being twisted, defying norms is
one thing, but what my observation tells
me is that we are at a point of transition. As independent creators and
also as a race, we cannot figure what is it that puts our mind at rest. It
takes a lot of self awareness and training to rise above the obvious. There is
beauty in everything we say and see. But what happens to it when reality takes
over. Why do we lose track of the basics? What happens to true art, of the intricacy of
creation, the turbulence of trial and error? It is a personal journey, often
lonely, then why do we end up making the memory of creating that piece of art
so painful for the other person, who is trying to support us through the quest?
If we only pain ourselves why is it not enough? That means the whole expression
of being liberated as an artiste is just to sound cool. We have not really
evolved to be by ourselves and the creation.
The realization and the experience helped me for one thing,
I have stopped expecting and looking for
artistic inspiration from the “significant other”. Its as personal as it
gets between the creator and the created. If we both love each other, being in
love with the artiste will be as romantic and thrilling as I always envisioned
it to be. The times that are rough in the pathway to create, you will always
have like minded artistes or experiential personas who will walk that patch
with you. Art is personal, art is a reflection of my inner self, it cant be
abusive to others in any way. Yes for those of us we do some form of commercial
creation, we never raise our voices against commoditization of our
sensibilities. We know it’s a cruel world and we despise it. Why then bring out
the cruelty onto people who mean something to us, to the extent that we could
walk miles with them.
From the time we write the first letter, to draw the first
line, to splash the first stroke, creation is beautiful and constructive. Lets
not use that to hide our own devils.
I don’t know if I will succeed. As of now its the Sunday tea and breakfast spread and being honest to what I create each day.
