Wired Communication

The fact that we grow up and leave memories behind always sounded very very thrilling to me....till it struck me really hard this time when I moved out of the native land, almost alone, for I had no clue what life had in store for me. I mean I was letting go of something that is the most obvious aspect for anybody.But I guess at times it just becomes mandatory to do certain things.
And till I had this experience I had not lost something as precious.
And somewhere I am glad that now nothing remains as precious, I mean one can do without anything, it hurts for a while,at every interval maybe, but then its gone for good.
And at times if the pangs do not hit me,it does not feel I am alive.

Anyways, I was wondering how do we build these distances over time and how navigate through them. I googled distances in relationships....al I could find was tips on couples managing long distance relationships (and I have done that too much to get amused by it). Then I came across this interesting book review of teaching fractions and ratios for understanding....i mean mathematical concepts as they are,its meant to be so :)
And all this had concepts like relative thinking,absolute thinking,perspectives on change..etc etc.When I was almost about to end it all to shut down and say...chuck it,came up the time-distance relationship, all the train and car speed sums I have never been able to crack them.
But somehow I could relate the explanation, a mathematical explanation to the emotional aspect of estranged relationship.
We encounter the time and distance relationship almost at every lane but do not realize how integral it is.Children's usual understanding of the time-distance phenomenon is based on their experience,but what for someone confused, a constant seeker, never satisfied,always rebelling....almost not normal...how about their experiences? What about their constant struggle to deal with distances, when the third component called speed is never even average?

First I have struggled to establish the complex,who am I,what is my identity kinda thing,have not yet succeeded,but the critical component arises from the fact that
I have had an establishment which had a transition post my speed and displacement,
and then the struggle to fit into the ambit and create physical and mental spaces and then just an explosion to destroy everything.
The virtual and the telecommunication space is therefore the boon and the bane,it keeps some aspects of life feeling dead all over again.
So the fact Speed=Distance/Time somewhere now makes sense.
The distance has grown and time is passing by....fast and the speed towards some destination is therefore at some insane rate.
Hope I reach somewhere that helps the seeker,the thinker,the rebel.

WE.....

WE.....THE THINKERS, THE SEEKERS, THE REBELS


We lost ourselves the day we were born
Since then the search began
To find those of our family

We were confused
For we were given a family of birth
We had friends from our situation
In this funny place called "society"
We traveled
And felt the semblance of the primeval sensation of life
We wondered why we felt at home on the road
We were made to believe we were a little strange
For how many stay away from "home" for so long?
How many become the rebels we did?

We wandered on empty streets in the night
Feeling the wind of the sea, the river, the mountains of wherever we lived…
We had so many questions and no answers we found
We searches, always searched
We searched even for ourselves…

We delved in unfathomable depths of the being
We rowed for months in strange alien seas
We searched for friends of the soul
Somehow no friends we had, ever
Seemed like friends enough…
How could we explain what "friends" meant to us?
Friends were beings so akin to us
They could read our minds
Walk in step with us on those roads of life
Friends were those who traveled with us
Climbed mountains, forged rivers, conquered seas…
Friends were one life breath, strangely
Such few "friends" we ever found in this world

We stayed aloof…from so much
The norms, the religions, thought processes of the world
We risked our lives, our positions, our family relations for our beliefs
We did the things we believed in
Worked for none but ourselves
We were called selfish for we cared
About our own well being…

We fought, we battled,
We ran like mad from so many, so much
We hid, we absconded, we hibernated
Some of us found our soulmates
Some of us didn't
Some of us had homes, children, love
Some of us lived lonely in far away homes
Some of us were fulfilled having found the love
The understanding we seeked, the minds akin to ours

Some of us…after a long time stopped searching having understood that in some lifetimes we were meant to be alone
Our soulmates parted from us, living another life…
May be in another world, probably another time zone…
We, the seekers, the thinkers, the rebels
We ache to get together for nowhere seems like home
We long for company of similar minds, sensibilities
We hurt, we bleed, we pain, we die…
But we live completely, every moment of our lives
Live the good and bad as same
Give all of ourselves to the world…
To nature… to art…
For there is no other way to live we know
We seek answers all the time
We question all the time

We are probably the only ones who know how deep pain carves its being into us
And how full happiness makes us feel…
We are comfortable with extremes
We are comfortable with tears, with abandonment, with aloneness…

We, the unknown ones
We, the misfits
We, the seekers, the thinkers, the rebels…


A forward from a very dear crazy friend whose belief in random-ness: the way of life keeps the glocal (global+local) sanity intact....

on a cold morning.....

It was stressful week,almost those mad times.
And then I just decided to break the shackles.....and cried a little to Blue to lighten myself. After all of that I met happy people, poo n paw, poo by the way is the newest member of the happy club;met her under the random spell but completely adorable.
Then we went for a konkani dinner, walked through Carter Rd, puffed hookah and then ended up in Marriott over coffee, and chatted about old times and those existential questions. I wonder how again I can have met these two people almost accidentally and then life just has giggles.
It is not that difficult to be happy, I guess the blocks come with emptiness and expectations. Thats the only obstacle, everything else gets taken care of. Blue is very right, the problem lies within me.

But all said and done, it was a very very cold night.And then three slightly crazy people walking down the streets of Santacruz which recorded the lowest temp. in Mumbai. Heyo a cold night leading to a cold morning....the next plan of action is to explore more about life and happiness and making best use of fleeting times.....
For more moments to unfold and treasured.....

Happy Republic Day

The Excerpt that made my morning today :)

I admit you are right. I myself... You see, a person I knew used to divide human beings into three categories: those who prefer having nothing to hide rather than being obliged to lie, those who prefer lying to having nothing to hide, and finally those who like both lying and the hidden. I'll let you choose which case suits me best.
But what do I care? Don't lies eventually lead to the truth? And don't all my stories, true or false, tend towards the same conclusion? Don't they all have the same meaning? So what does it matter whether they are true or false if, in both cases, they are significant of what I have been and of what I am? Sometimes it is easier to see clearly into the liar than into the man who tells the truth. Truth, like light, blinds. Falsehood on the contrary, is a beautiful twilight that enhances every object. Well, take it how you like, I was named Pope in a prison-camp.

The Fall

Albert Camus

SHORTS FROM NOW

There was an array of incidents that led to turmoil but the sad part it, it seems to be short-lived.
The India Australia controversy….gawd I am sure Bhajji must be thinking so much for ‘teri maa ki’. When the incident was all over the media, P and me were discussing as to how much everything gets exaggerated for creating news and controversies. The opinionated me said, ‘Indians can’t be racists for god’s sake’. P said why not? The Indian today is racist because Fair and Lovely sales still top the chart.
That gave birth to my interest to understand how we become racists. Well the colonial hangover is definitely at the roots.
Our cosmopolitan attitude also shows the soft corner for the white skin. The Sunday newspapers with the matrimonial ads always have the clause for a fair skinned, convent educated…etc.etc. kind of a bride.
So definitely it shows the double standard we have about racism. At one level when I was just thinking that caste discrimination, class differentials, regionalism and communalism are the set of ills Indians will always keep fighting against and political parties will use them to their favours, racism also joined the brigade.
At this juncture my noble friend, did what he does best, drop in one line that forces me to think beyond the definitions.
He said when we have regionalism, language, state, district, dialect, status, clubs, association, beliefs, religion, education, physical look, outlook and so many reasons. Above all, the universal discrimination of the color of the skin. So how on earth are we not racists? On intent thoughts and going back to sociological understandings, I realized that racism is not stand alone; it is integrated in ethnicity, which therefore trickles down to aspects of caste, culture, region, beliefs and somewhere subconsciously also guides our social positioning!

It is now ingrained in our genes over generations.
Suffering from racist discrimination is now a “normal” human behavior. These have also softly disabled the voice of any budding evolution to human equity and being. A space where there is no walls. It generates breaking news almost every time to provoke perversions of human mind time and again. Often the provocation is forgotten in no time.

I cannot also deny such kind of acts and controversies generates money. Money is perhaps only the universal language, which is understood by all and sundry. And it’s not just the bucks per- se, but "the love of it" that has perpetuated this fundamental sin in whatever form.

Another side of the debate of racial discrimination revolves around the increasing identity crisis that we experience in our everyday lives. Globalisation compresses the world and migration booms, the successful assimilation of races and cultures happens for the sheer need of survival. They have brought forward stories that has/will make or break societies.

To explain the phenomenon we coined and stressed on terms, favourite among them is Multiculturalism, (which implies that a number of cultures live together), has already happened, but it has left communities in a ghettoized state, in Mumbai itself there is the Parsi colony or the Akar Society or Muslim mohallas. As a migrant I have heard tales of not finding a house on rent because of ones identity as a minority religious community.
The only difference is that as we evolve, the parameters of defining the identity of "us" and "them" changes depending on the benefits it affords us, for instance, nationality, class, caste, religion, sex and race and not to forget gender (which is a whole new dimension, and to keep my thoughts in line, I consciously decided to keep off the debate). Therefore as Umberto Eco points out, what is needed is a step forward towards transculturalism, whereby people from different cultures and those subscribing to different identities interact and understand each other.

This requires an atmosphere of respect for differences, tolerance and understanding. But the loophole is we, the all encompassing race that is caught amongst various identities, or lack of them, mostly do not have the patience to do so.
It then results in people discriminating against those who are different.

India for ages has more reasons for bringing up a “divided society”. Discrimination practiced at the highest order. We have perhaps the tallest list of caste, sects and subsects. There has been constant battle with purported racist remarks openly or subtly by both sides. On the other level, the unique and age-old diversity of India renders it adequately suited to adapt to these challenges.

I don’t think anyone living today can be blamed. Or maybe we can atleast acknowledge the existing mode of differentiation and at inter personal levels get more proactive. The facts suggest that a lot of work needs to be done, a touch of acceptance and a return to our founding fathers' concept of equality need to be looked at with a different lens.
It is just fair not to hurt each other in the name of any sort of discrimination? Racism included.

Should not we be a little more conscious in not rendering our support, sponsorships and practice by being conscious and aware of the enormous “space for manipulation” we create within ourselves to be influenced and engaged in differentiations and discriminations?

I am quite stuck, the opinionated me does not have the last words, however hard I may try to. There is perhaps no rights or wrongs. Its time we start living in the real sense. The human race is nobody but all of us, the race needs to run together. The marathon of generations cannot be degenerated the way it is today.
The future still holds hope for the human chain to emerge out of the global state.
But the Indian still would be proud to have won the Perth test!!!!

Before Sunrise, Before Sunset

A simple story beautifully made, a familiar shot, an unknown film….

Its an American film, the first one made in 1995 and the sequel followed in 2004. Under the direction of Richard Linklater this film was a sheer delight.
Now I am wondering what to begin with, I mean the first or the second one I m quite confused…..
But let’s do it this way, let’s start with the second one because that’s where I did find the completeness, that’s where my hope of arbid stays alive, the battle between the real and the unreal seems to cease existing.
Anyways, now nine years later Julie Delphy who plays Celine and Jesse played by Ethan Hawke meet, since their last meeting in Vienna. Jesse’s novel has done very well and he is on a tour and he meets Celine in the bookstore in Paris. Jesse has very little time before his flight back, he asks Celine to be with him in that time.
They start talking and update one another about life since they met last. Jesse is married man, father to a son and a writer by profession and Celine is an advocate for environment dating a photojournalist. Both have reached thirties and then they discover each others dissatisfaction in life at different levels.
They go back to their old meeting nine years back and slowly let out reasons for not meeting one another as promised. As they had never exchanged any contact info they lost each other till this day.
They talk about their present lives, their lives that went by, about coffee in Paris, their last meeting and in the process the old flame shimmers slowly. They blame one another and regret not meeting as promised nine years ago when they parted. Jesse confesses he wrote the novel with the hope that he would met Celine.

The last scene left me quite enchanted. In Celine’s apartment as she dances to herself, she tells Jesse that he would miss his flight and Jesse answers back “I know”

As I looked through the credits the screenplay was developed by Richard along with both Hawke and Julie. All three were in praise of each other for the collaboration that created the film that was intense and meaningful and most importantly close to their hearts. There were extensive and very meaningful dialogues in the film but they were simple, and simple for one to feel that its real!

Now coming to my amazement about the film is the simplicity and the courage and conviction all these people had, how could they think a 90 minute film could work where all that happens is two people walking and talking? In both the films the hyper-real element in them probably makes the struggle between real and unreal end completely. Before Sunset I think was shot in real time, and it gave me a feeling of complete intensity where I have not missed a single moment or even like a fraction of the moment.
The regular aspects like writing a book to find someone back, might be fictional but gives me a sense of belonging, or being dissatisfied with lives and not letting that out because you know the other person anyways would understand and raising the question several times ‘What if we had met as we had planned six months later from where we left each other in Vienna?’ ‘What if we had made choices differently’? They seemed to be my questions, maybe I would consider them to be stupid in a different mind set but at this point of time, after I am getting on to the other side of life, it seems I had choices, but did not have the radar, often leading me to think of the preciousness of each choice that I have made, courses, people, places…..everything. I tend to get into these bouts of regrets at times…..but the most beautiful part of the films is, it does not end with the regrets. Somewhere that’s why I could say blue and me have an unique story, we don’t know where we crossed and where we lost way but its each moment lived and making new chanced meetings.
Its just made me feel that looking for the skyline isn’t a futile exercise, the madness of youth will always be the guiding star.

Please watch the film if you haven’t and if I haven’t spoilt all your suspense yet. And secondly please listen to the film carefully, a lot of existential questions hovers in the sky and if your partner in arms is the unreal kinds, an evening over wine and talking about sunrise and sunset can be the best romantic union.

The Unsung Hero

Remember from the Excerpts the g numbered story that I was to write on…My Unsung Hero….Just spoke to him and I am feeling quite numb, that’s what he was stored in my phone at one point of time in life – Comfortably Numb. It is most bright relationship that I have had, or let’s say if I had to define extremes, this one is the milestone.
The first impression was rather nonchalant, but then through others when the proximities became closer I had already stepped into a world that I did not know existed in the human form. It was like regular strong personalities one comes across and then from there move towards closer bonds, over Harry Potter or Batman films, Kebabs, funny possessed relationships or intensive discussions on issues that students worked on during their tenure in the institute. From there we moved to the slightly complex issues of ownership, that is what broke the ice between us…..the foundation was laid and I had encountered the Passionate trust that took me to venture into a wild sea of newer emotions which would give birth to newer colors everyday.
Differences of opinions is what epitomizes our relationship, all that I am not, he is and all that he is not, I am, so I keep wondering how does this work? How did we come a long way taking disasters on our strides? I do not have answers, or maybe I do not want to have.
I have spoken a hundred times about the relationship and the turmoil etc. but I have always missed an element, an element which makes him my hero somewhere (I just hope he does not read it…for this would make him bloat and he would reach the seventh heaven, as if he is not enough obsessed with himself).
From the time I have known him, he has never been confused, he does not suffer form the ailment of what do I want to do in life….like I am still exploring issues my interest really lies in, I am exploring different mediums of communication and every fortnight I think is this enough of what I am doing? Is this all that I want to do? And of course considering the fact that in the developmental sector working on developmental communications small fish like me who has been around for a year and a half or lil more do not earn money to have a lavish lifestyle, I often question that in comparison to others….this guy has been the anchor.
His passion and commitment towards his work I outstanding. Nothing really can suppress his enthusiasm for the he has a tremendous control over the area of his work.
During my work grey days he is the one who pops up as an inspiration, and every time I hear from some juniors that how highly they think of him, I smile to myself and say, that’s what he just does, like magic!
In my black episode of life that existed from July to October last year often I would hear from him, about his work and the conviction that he started with, shimmering its way up to the point of several accolades, that made me create courage within myself and allowed me to make a comeback, and even if I go away this time I know my conviction can sail me through the final lap of the race.
The guy is just 25 years old and he has made it all by himself in no time at all. He has seen the ugly side of it but has stood strong, like a rock, and often alone without a soul believing in him. I do not know how he does it, often it seems unbelievable that he does it but ya that’s the true story.
Koshish is way beyond just an effort today, its like an institution risen from its infancy to adolescence, and now its rebelling in its own ways, and interestingly for the better.
The second child took birth in December 2007 which is a giant baby called the National Alliance and this guy has been the prefect father, it was almost an unanimous decision to give the custody of the child to him, and a proud moment for me, I so regret I could not be there. Sorry Dumbhead, I missed yet another moment but I am sure you would make it up to me for better ones. Or as he says, the best is the best! And its right here but the degree of it keeps getting higher and better.
I now suddenly feel that the several emotions attached never got communicated. We end up talking about this that and the other but I have never thanked him for being the hero he has been. For being the one man army, for being the live version of Simon and Garfunkel’s ‘I am a Rock’.
So I have a biography to write and that would be quite a Steve Jobs inspirational story kind….for now I am glad My Unsung Hero is around and an inspiration to live with and then I can be happy about royalty I would get ;)

Haven’t said it in a long time – Love you and that does not say enough.

BRAINLESS

The state of mind at this point of time is not even brain dead…seems it is brain less…. Ahhhhhhhh….
Work is been very very boring today, to the extent that I feel like puking and getting it out of my system.
What do I feel like doing? Well ahhmmm….I feel like going for a drive and get drenched in the rain and have a cup of coffee, not talk or even think. Do I want to do it alone? Well I do not know seriously….. I mean the only person I think I wanna be with is TB, he is not the questioning type, off late I have been missing him; the reason is very simple, he has broken the shackles of the vicious cycle (I hope, n pray…please u have right?)
Anyways Mumbai seems scary today because at this hour everyone is working whereas what I want to do now is find people, go to some nice sea facing house and then have wine there and pass out. Maybe I am also looking for interesting company today, just to blabber or maybe just to listen to them blabber about the universe, where nothing absolutely is real. Oh just re-read what I wrote….man I am superbly ambitious I must say….I want INTERESTING, RIGHT NOW AVAILABLE,NOT FAMILIAR COMPANY who can talk UNREAL!!!!!
Is the bug of loneliness spatting on me? Quite possible but not really, I mean I think its psychological.
However much I say that the caravan set up now seems something I am immune to, I guess I am very very unhappy about it, I mean I jus want a space where I can happily go back to. Calvin I miss your space. And this damn week man….its blooooddddyyyy long. I wanted to make sure if I was the only one fooling myself but P, S, R everyone seems to agree to me, therefore I am on the right track 
I donno why I am happy about that? Its like in a seemingly small week nothing really changes and so will it be now, just that I will have to deal with all the irritation for TWO full days. I can look forward to Friday and then to the Saturday, both the days I have nice people o catch up with, part of the unreal almost you see.

So what is the crux of my problem now?
People? Not really….I have a few who like me, so I am satisfied. I am happy that most of who like me also can stand me. And I can also stand them. So am I unhappy with work? Well definitely not, its been a blessing, I guess lets just not be so mean and say it is a BAD day at work and otherwise too………

Dun even bother…life's like that…shit happens and then again shit happens….
A familiar line, just the art director changes every time.

Lets give it another shot @ the PENDING things to do on the list...........

The Potion Called Hug – the irreplaceable ingredient of a Lovestory

Once upon a time there lived a Prince. He had given up his kingdom to search for his own identity. It was the winter months and bagged with several questions he sat in the corner of a beer bar in the countryside looking for tranquility in the company of few friends.

Suddenly a stranger walked in. She knew all the others except for the prince. They got talking and it ended up being a nice evening. Then they lost touch for sometime. It was a busy kingdom and the king made everyone work hard, but as fate would want it, they met again in some alley. These chanced meetings gave them a lot of comfort and created synthetic thoughts in the prince’s mind.
The stranger was strange because she got caught up in several chaos and refused to paint the town synthetic. The strange land that this stranger belonged to, the prince paid several visits there. Everybody in that land liked him, the stranger was confused. She knew that the prince was a nice soul but she was a commitment phobic and she knew she did not want to hurt herself. So she fled to the land of visual pleasure. As she basked in that beauty she also missed the prince. With all tangled thoughts her companions convinced her that the dream to become the synthetic princess was beautiful. So when the stranger returned to the hustle n bustle in the humid may mayhem she decided to give into the color of the day-purple haze.

The prince and the stranger became inseparable friends until doomsday struck. The stranger was detected with some serious disease and she returned to her cocoon. The Prince was sad and lonely and refused to associate with the stranger or any mortal. Both of them fought every day often deciding to end the synthetic paints on their walls. The days would be fierce and bitter, the nights-long and teary. The bystanders thought life was ending another story of the tinseltown.
It was this time that the stranger decided that she was too much in love with the prince to end the story midst all the distance. She decided to go back to the tinseltown and meet the prince. She summoned for her skyhorse. As she prepared for the journey she was nervous, to have thought that she was losing her prince charming. In the cocoon her mate called blue gave her the hope wand, and the stranger summoned for the sky horse. As she floated over the clouds, she wondered how would the prince be, would they have the same spark, would they still feel so effortlessly drawn towards one another? At one turn the stranger almost thought of returning to her cocoon but the next moment she gathered all her courage coz it was nearing the tinseltown.
She knew that one moment would change their lives once again.
She clutched her heart and walked towards the exit.
She saw the prince standing there.
They hugged, it was little formal. That moment was gone and left her blank.
They rode back to an abode, the little, warm corner that had all their memories. There the Prince let the doors open. The warmest hug ever happened between the two people who broke the shackles of separation and recreated another fairytale.
It is indeed the moment and the moment coupled with the potion of hug…..the best potion that restored peace in the tinseltown.
What happened next is yet to be unfolded, as of today we heard that they lived happily ever after.
6th Nov 2007 – 15.00 hrs