This piece was long pending. One would like to write about relationships-man-woman in a different context and names. Man-woman, woman-woman, man-man as being friends, soulmates etc.etc. but how much do we want to discover the sexuality beneath that? Sex is exciting, adventurous, discovery, curiosity but how many of us really look beyond male chauvinism and female oppression? This piece is my very own journey of discovering the other concepts of sexuality.
Theoretically! Academically! And there can be endless debates and discussions, their spaces and ideas changing with geographical boundaries, political atmosphere, economic boom and depression and of course convenience.
Sex workers have not been alien. Personally never had a bias for or against them; it was a profession like any other, people into it for their set of reasons. Back in Kolkata in Sonagachhi their stories have been a source of inspiration, their spirit of life had led to the formation of a new lifeview. And this time it was unfolding a new set of realities in a different boundary of geographical space, suddenly the Community Development seminar paper on Legalization of Prostitution seemed so naive.
It was the last day at this space which is VAMP’s space, the space for Sangram,the place where 1000s of Durgas and Pandus and Bhimvas have stopped sympathizing about their lives,they take pride in their own struggle. They fight for their rights, they are aware of their importance in the circle of reason, they live in Sangli, a district in Maharashtra like the ones who live here like the one who own the air, water, land.
The first day I came in here,their closeness with Divya (Divya Bhatia- Point of View’s consultant director for the Sangram Theatre Project)instilled a faith that they connect with our world beyond professional boundaries. Landing in Sangram was like any other field trip till I met the MSMs (Men having Sex with Men-not Gay/Homosexuals because that aspect of the alternative sexuality is far more privileged according to the MSMs.) It was quite uncomfortable. Rest of them was like us, just the difference in their realities and the difference in their profession and the way the mainstream society perceives them. As I said I did not have moral stands but meeting them at such close quarters, seeing them rehearse midst all the hustle and bustle, I took a look at my own self…..the complains of life seemed to have lost its own way.
From the 17th to the 21st of November passed by only to make me realize the mainstream women who are academically qualified or socialized in a different space are probably more victims of oppression or what we term as majboori. After a point of time we look for sympathy. We only would be independent to say ‘oh I am independent’, but the spirit of being free, the real independence lies I them whom we consider lesser mortals and have huge moral issues with.
I had read about Shabana in Bish’s edited work of Unzipped. Meeting her in person did not even seem she had a storm which she did withstand. Durga was another extremely intelligent woman. Her story was an evidence of her being really humane at the core. When she discovered she was HIV+ she told her maalak (the man who is a long and loyal customer to the sex worker, whom she considers to be the husband irrespective of his marital status in his life).Her maalak stood by for sometime but it did not work out for long.Durga is now a peer educator with Sangram and has been without a man for the last ten years.
Bhimva and Kamala Mausi were like these two sweetheart people who were like the agony aunts and really affectionate. Pardon if I am playing favourites but at small issues when it would show on my face their one liners ‘tension lene ka nehi, dene ka theek hai?’ would bring the smile back on my face.
Both of them are Gharwalis (the head mother who has girls working under her, she negotiates with the clients, with the police or the local goon or other nuisances). Their stories have been wild, living upto the respect of the word. I considered doing drugs or rave parties or sneaking out of the house at wee hours or the IC-SFI politics in college wild! And I guess that’s hardly wild in comparison.
Several others but Preeti has been the friend, she left studies in the 9th standard due to some physical ailment. She is not a dhandewali….Bhimva’s never even allowed he shadow to cast its eye on Preeti. She has been also harassed, so now stays in the other home. But what is commendable is Preeti’s daily life. Her day starts at 6 and ends around 1.Apart from the household humongous work she has her surrogate child (her brother’s youngest daughter to take care of.
It is theatre that brings them together, its their space to forget the worries of life, of dhanda, familial tiffs or the ordeals of not having condoms on the best earning time-the weekends.
The other bunch was the MSMs. My first interface with this group. Very vocal about themselves; complete stars, cannot forget their talents or their tantrums though! Pandu in my opinion is the best performer, he does outdo Aishwarya or Madhuri for anything for one Dola re. Bhausaheb’s voice is angelic or Mahesh the MSM who did the mehandi on my hands. Some intricacy, that comes only with dedication. But what I have not been able to discover is their inner selves, their stories, how do they feel about their bodies, their sexuality and identity? And how do they align themselves or run parallel to the mainstream? But yes, what excites me is their exuberance, their attitudes!
My second interface with the MSMs was in PSI in Mumbai. Dressed in complete filmi garb,they live life as per their rules. Two questions whose answers has led me to the unlearning of the concept of sexuality was when we asked them if they would be born again,what would be their sexual identity…men or women. While on one hand the question itself had a conceptual error of not including the third sex, one group’s answer that I wanna execute my rights on a woman, so want to be born s a man was unnerving whereas the other saying mind of a woman now lets have a body of hers as well let me thinking about how it might feel. One of them promptly answered that she wants to be born as a eunuch citing the attention she gets in being one.
The second question of whether it is right to touch a woman’s breast on the road, tease her and make a pass at her? One group vehemently said no, explained it as izzat ka ulanghan. The other individual’s answer that its right because ‘woh to meri chahat hai’ had shook me. The thin line between love, likings, lust and izzat ka ulanghan had hit me hard.
On further discussion with Bishakha, she explained that the alternative sexual preferences often look for acceptance and therefore emphasize on the physical display of affection and fondness.
And probably that also validated all of our insecurities with regular or alternative sexual preferences and our desperate desire to be accepted.
The phenomenon of a huge ego and a very low self esteem is contextual, often individual and finally ones own choice!
10th Dec 2006,Mumbai
