FaithFully Yours

Too many thoughts and I am trying hard to put them all in a sync. The Hidden pearl lost her being and she thinks it’s the end of the road for her. Faith is a very complex phenomenon, when and as I bask in the deep slumber of breaking the trust stones with her the so called judgemental, religiousity personified who otherwise never gave into the floating dreamscape of life seems to be more than real or came straight from one of characters of fairyland, who u feel secure to sleep with midst the uncertainties. The big man today seems like god(if there s someone like that). And I can’t fight for my existence infront of the larger than life entity. But it is rather human to be addicted and therefore biased and even if the lil princess kills someone,I cant stop loving her. Here I know she intended all good, it just was not the right tie and space. But life seems to be ticking because of the faith and I still have the faith in goodness of civilization.
And probably from the ills of addiction and our inane faith in life we reach certain phases where it surpasses the scarcity of basics. There was this woman sitting by the road near the Nizamabad post office in rugged clothes, the lines on her face culd count beyond her age. She was supposedly there to beg and earn her living.But lost in her world of oblivion, she was choosing from her old collection of betel leaves, cleaning them to make them retain the freshness. And finally she decided to consume one of the not so good ones. Addiction is rather strange and today I felt it also a drive to face and fight poverty and live as per the rules laid by addiction.
Could not put thoughts into sync….as usual but am wondering if love of life and faith can restore all equations, if faith in rules laid by irrational bouts can keep us prosperous all our lives. If offerings of ones self to another individual is ever possible for a rebellious thoughts; wish there was the option of UNDO in life where sex,lies and videotapes dissolved in the lightness of being.

21st Sept 2006
Nizamabad,Andhra
09.20 hrs.

SeNse and SeNsiBilities

Another note on maybe nothing and yet a lot of things. The other day at Ambedkar colony in Nizamabad I just chanced upon this girl, hardly 15 years old. I have always read about the blooming sexual sensations in a woman or a girl when she is turning into a woman. Personally, never have actually experienced it, considering the ‘Boys Don’t cry’ syndrome ruled my life.
Coming back to this girl, in her school uniform, wet unkempt hair she walks out of the lane, goes up the steps. The newly discovered rhythm in her body is very prominent. The language was subtle yet spoke volumes as she kept talking to someone.
Conscious of being watched she climbed down the stairs with accentuated movements. Her pushing forth of almost non-existent breasts twirled heads, the swinging of the hips made heads turn. The prominence of the curves over-ruled the senses of the passer-bys. I could not blame the curious eyes of the adolescent boys, I was myself attracted enough to get to writing all of this. And then she vanished altogether in the unknown lanes from where she appeared.
After a long time I realized that probably it takes lot more for a man to resist a woman. To my surprise I felt a little weird of having a woman’s body,and remembered all the times when I negated all the comments about being ‘sexy’ or ‘Hot’. It is an interesting insight can think or do think like a man and have come to know the exploits that a woman entails-even unconsciously.And probably to end with Quirk’s comments of ‘irresistible’ holds ground!
The bearings of being Bi-curious holds ground!

Nizamabad,Andhra
19TH Sept 2006
21.00 hrs.