Marriage on the Cards

Some 38 friends, colleagues, etc are getting married this year, yup I know it’s going to be a rather eventful year. Boy, can’t get over it!
Jyotsna got married and I saw it as closely as I could.
My darling was happy and very prepared eventually for it. I loved the way she dealt with the whole zingbang and the never ending smile was a delight.
Amma and Uncle were too nice to be true and Gayu was the wonderkid!
Now what is it that took me a few steps away more from marriage? Of course the rituals were quite something and Brahminical and after the intensive argument with Madhu and Sam however I may agree for parents and other obligations we do it at several points of time we do abide by it but at what cost. Like in Tam Brahms the father of the bride washes the feet of the groom. It is because the groom was going away for Brahmacharya and he stopped him with the bait of marrying his daughter. So before the groom enters his social life again, it is with the concept of cleansing him. Logical, but why can’’t the groom do it on his own? And the bong ritual that I know of returning all that you have taken from your family by throwing puffed rice during vidaai. I mean if u really have to return it in cash n kind.
I guess I am just letting some steam out.
If I get to write on the marriage rituals that over centuries have created the trap for the woman and her side of the family one can have a paper written on it. Or maybe a thesis.
For now I hope to have a day when marriage truly symbolizes togetherness of two individuals and not the license to dominate women and imposing patriarchy or the license to have sex when it becomes socially acceptable.
As for me I still am happy considering a life of my own! Oh the potential prospect since I am already 24 and have all the so called attributes! Booohhhhh to the takers and a big middle finger to all the match makers and contenders, I am happily committed but single!

22nd May 2007
21. 37 hrs

The Tale of the matchbox

A very old friend announced her separation. The irony is she always wanted to be a homemaker, wife and mother. And she did fit the role to the T. Spoke to her only to discover she has learnt the hard way to lead a life single and rocking. I guess I will have to be upfront and say that’s the spirit of celebrating womanhood, celebrating life. I was happy with her thoughts for her future, I was happy to know she was ready to rock, to face it with all her might. You have a long way to go buddy, dun give up!

Another old relationship is in town, I guess we were friends too! This dude is set to start a new chapter of his life Post the fame of Fame-X. Meeting him was fun, the old memories of living in oblivion and never understanding the complex aspects of mundane-ity. I guess we were too occupied with each other then to lend anything else an ear. But there was a sudden discomfort in him that’s troubling me….maybe too old to be forgotten, too new to explain. In the process when I realized I was basking in the glory of my today, he seemed all the more surprised. Well often quirky things tame the wild west wind.

Mumbai is the place to be! But exactly living without a home is a funny thing! It makes you feel vulnerable though shrouds the insecurities of being homeless, these days I come back to a space that is perhaps the most comforting zone but the sense of ownership is zero. It hurts the superego but compulsion is the mother of tolerance and I guess that’s the why for the other person lending the shoulder seems ok midst the clouds of ego. The good part about it ofcourse is understanding ways of life and operations, for future reference, just in case. But patience has never been good friends with me, so I really do not know till when can I hang in there, maybe till eternity….. Lost the thought, seems very complicated!

Met two well established independent women today, meeting over wine seems to be the way of life!
One lives in with her partner for the last 12 yrs and another one is too stylish to be 40 and gives all credit to being single. They seem to be very happy about life, about their freedom. I am allured again, not that I need to decide tomorrow but ya being freeeeeee has its temptations. When 31 friends are getting married this year, the good thing seems the double income that makes life so easy in a space called Mumbai, or maybe the security of being married but trust me….being legally single is just about perfect! The physical drive is not the reason to be married for sure, long live the flings I have lived when I was wild (ok dun read it wrong, I dnt miss it, or lets just say the one man has a plethora of temptations to offer;) ) How I wish I can still pass my life as perfect as my dream, when after a pack up I am swept off my feet into a Merc and I land up in a glass house on the mountain top overriding the sea and have a cosy evening with the someone I love living with followed by barbeque, some whisky and wine and friends making merry all this while.
Crossroads…yet again. How I wish the rhetorical question of what next had an answer and the matchboxes would not die young because it ran out of match sticks.

19th February 2007
21:33 hrs.